The great the grand THE OKTOBERFEST

Where to begin with the sparkling times that grace the city of Munich. All stories are true…Oktoberfest is one of the craziest drunken messes they call a party. Alright I´m just gonna dive in and see where I end up.

welcome to Oktoberfest

welcome to Oktoberfest

Day one: I get my first experience of the trip sleeping on a train…ya it may sound like a blast from beyond time…buuuut sorry to burst it for you…it sucks. Seriously thought there were demons on the train as I woke up in the middle of the night hearing loud screaming…just the tracks…no biggie. The good thing is that it´s cheap and you arrive at the start of the day.

At the hostel I meet some Americans guys and turns out were all Oktoberfest virgins. Party time yo. Were all a little famished…sooo it´s my big idea to you know “check out the grounds” eat a local german sausage and see where to go from there….hahahaha oh boy did that shit go south fast…turns out we get the snitzle get to one of the beer tents…and next thing I know…it´s 2:30 in the afternoon and I´m spilling over myself hammered. Wow thank god I´m NOT an alchoholic…otherwise….yaaaaa. The one thing they don´t tell you when you´re going to Oktoberfest is that beer costs 8.25. Nooow just to be fair you get a big fucking glass of the stuff…but the pours…holy head. Ya you get about a half glass of head…that´s more head then fifty thai hookers.

First stein...look at the head

First stein...look at the head

Next thing I remember that day is partying with a bunch of Germans, who bring us over to a purely German tent and then being bombarded with gratuitous amounts of free beer. Then it´s photo time:

well hello

well hello

After this…for some strange reason…I wander off on an….ADVENTURE. Weird thing is everytime I get reeeeealy drunk I think it´d be a good idea to have an adventure…so I begin to lose the guys I was partying with and head off…eventually I spend all my money…end up with a stolen stein and some other trinkets…and some way…this still blows my mind…make it back to my hostel. I also made this crazy drunk video…which I think is funny as fuck, buuuut don´t recall making…

Still that video doesn´t really capture the pure essence of my night. That´s why I have this one picture that does…

my night explained perfectly

my night explained perfectly

Day Two:I was hurting pretty bad…I didn´t want to see let alone drink another beer. The water I stole ended up being sparkling…ugh…I guess karma´s a bitch…lucky enough I run into the Americans from the night before. We exchange stories and then head off for another go at Oktoberfest…this time were going to take it easy…reeeeaaaally there is no easy at Oktoberfest.

Arriving this time we don´t have a table, buuuut i work some verbal magic and were able to get some beers and talk to some cute local German girls…can you say win…win. We end up getting pretty smashed again, but not wondering off type smashed…just stealing mentality…and this is when it takes a turn for the worst.

I still have no idea how I ended up with all the trinkets from the night before, but I guess I was keen on gaining more treasure for my collection…unfortunately I wasn´t watching around me very well aaaaaand….BOOM a German police officer grabs me superman style by the arm…twists it in a position I didn´t know it could go…throws away my beer and starts yelling at me in German.

The other guy Im with just got the fuck outta there as fast as he could…however, Im trapped and looking like a big idiot. I think the guy finally realizes Im not answering so asks if I speak english…I just nod…then he asks for my passport…hahaha fuck that I ain´t giving you that shit(didn´t say that, but that´s what I was thinking) so after about 5 more minutes, he just tells me to not do that again or there will be trouble…BIG TROUBLE…O fuck…after I clean up my shit… I boot the hell outta there…any buzz that I had going is now GAAANE…and Im completely lost.

It´s funny how when you´re drunk you can have perfect direction. And when you´re basically sober you go two hours in the wrong direction on the complete opposite side of munich. This is when another good story happens…

Drum roll please…ratatatatatatatata

(big anouncer voice) Ladies and Gentleman…my first ever GERMAN STALKER…

While walking lost I pass some dude on a bike giving me the weirdest fucking look…so as I pass him I give him a WTF look thinking nothing of it…a little while later I have this strange feeling…so I casually look back and see this dude, following me on his bike. At first I thought maybe this was his way home, but after the first turn, the second turn…the third and fourth turn…then stopping at a corner store and he´s waiting outside I knew this was fucked up.

Now, I wasn´t sure if he wanted to rob me or rape me…but I took the easy approach out…After cutting a corner really quick and the guy biking fast to catch up I stop…look at the guy…throw up my hands and yell WHAT THE FUCK YOU FAGGOT…GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME…then go back the other way…(brushes hands off) and that my friends is how you handle a stalker(stands up and takes a bow)…don´t worry I´ll be selling the coles notes version on ebay very soon.

I then realize after trying to lose this fuckwad I´m completely and utterly lost myself…worst then before. K nows a good time to get a cab…lucky for me one pulls up and I tell him where I need to go. Of course the bastard starts laughing and asks me what I´m doing on this side of the city. He says to me, Oktoberfest is like a five to ten minute walk away from where you´re staying….(sarcastic laugh on my part) Oh thanks for the news flash Ron Burgundy…geez

Day Three: This was a day to take easy…my American buddies had left for home and so I decided to get all my Oktoberfest shopping done and to maybe see some sights…I really need to come back to Munich when it´s not Oktoberfest because from what I saw without my beer goggles…it is another beautiful European City…very unique infastructure.

Being that it´s my last day, how could I not visit Oktoberfest one last time…you know…one last beer…one last walk around the grounds. It was funny walking around the grounds sober….as I started getting flash backs from my first night of places that I visited. Most people just think Oktoberfest is drinking…well it is, buuuut there´s so much else to do…such as carnival rides, games, chicks, food, crafts…um did I mention girlies…ya n they´re all wearing these hot ass, old bulgarian style thing that definitely boosts the boobs.

Again I´m thinking…oh I´ll just have one beer, shoot the shit and then call it a night…turns out none of that was going to happen. I end up meeting some girls from the night before…cute little blonde girlies, half German half American…a very deadly mix. Were having a great time…just shooting the shit…there goes a couple beers here….a few more there…and then she´s giving me the puppy dog, dinner bowl eyes. Basically I was just there for one last awesome night in Munich/Oktoberfest style…did I ever get that…and then some. This chick ends up being super cool…has a great sense of humour…likes the fucking rides…laughes at the drunks and then…ya…

You know how some people will say when they fucked someone it just kinda…happened…well this was the perfect example. The only bad part of the night was having to walk back to my hostel…yipee…another great two hour fucking hike. But it was definitely worth it 😉 hahaha…all in all Oktoberfest is a fucking money gobbling machine, but the experiences are like none other. This goes on the shelf of recomendations, but…you need to manage your time and money. If you want a cheap place to stay…BOOK NOW.

Well squires…my chariot awaits (a magnificient golden steed roars up pulling a chariot of fire)…high hoe silver…awaaaaay


One Response to “The great the grand THE OKTOBERFEST”

  1. Hey brother…oktoberfest looks crazy….you lucky dawg. Been checkin up on ya every week or so. Some adventures you’re having! AWESOME! Doin a good job on the narrative of the trip too haha, your eyes look glazed over in that video clip….Be safe out there and watch out for the homo stalkers…til the return of Bobby Vanilla I guess we’ll have to put our show on hold haha…I’ll be in touch

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