He came…He saw…He Conquered…BERLIN

***This is the music for this set of the trip just because of the new version I sang in Berlin…get ready for it…it goes like this…I FIST A GIRL AND I LIKED IT…booyah***

Ahhh yes the train ride from Munich to Berlin…definitely not the funnest thing I´ve ever done…hung over to the balls walls and watching everything spinning…ya the old lady next to me left to go somewhere else cus she thought I´d puke on her.

Anyway lets get things started with the glorific city of Berlin…said to be one of the best cities in Europe…and boy it hasn´t dissapointed. Soo much fucking history, some good and well some…oh you know. My big thing was to see some of these historic sites…so the first one I went to was called Creepy Cabinets and Nazi bunkers. It´s an actual site that the Nazis used during the bombings of Berlin. That part was pretty cool, but the next part…holy fuck. It´s this big dark area where they talk about all the tortures…and these fuckers with masks jump out at you and grab you…diapers are actually handed out at the door…hahaha just kidding, but its pretty fucking scary.

Of course a trip to Berlin cannot be complete without having walked paths of the former Berlin wall. The massive wall that seperated families, friends and nations. Seeing pictures and hearing stories don´t really put the wall into perspective unless you´re actually standing at its base. Thinking about living with that thing dividing you is just surreal.

longest standing part of the Berlin Wall

longest standing part of the Berlin Wall

Aside from the sights, another major point of Berlin is the clubs/nightlife…so I had to experience this first hand with a mindblowing…pub crawl. Yes clones…this is the pub crawl to end all pub crawls…I thought the one in Madrid was sick…well this one made the one in Madrid it´s little jail bitch. First off you get as much beer as you can drink in an hour…then off to the first club where ur only supposed to have one shot…HA fuck that…I ended up getting about 5 free shots at everplace…I´d keep showing my wrist band to different bar tenders. Sooo to say the least…ya I was pretty fucked…and only by uh…lets see…the 2nd club. Of course I don´t remember much, but I have pictures to remind me and the best part…I´m there with a good buddy from back home, so the times are pure and utterly chistled with glory. If you don´t know what that means here´s the break down…we both pulled.

Yeeha pub crawl

Yeeha pub crawl

Ya we have a sick ass pimp pad in the middle of Berlin over looking the cities skyline and many other beneficial atributes. So its full on sexcapades as you´re doing shit with your chick and look up at your buddy who´s across the room and give him an air high five…hahaha.

The fucked up part about this story is…I got a 24 year old VIRGIN…ya…can you believe that shit…now there’s nothing wrong with saving yourself, not going to judge, just I hate when I’m the person on the other end. A tough barrier to crack, but I had fun with it…taught her how to give head (side note: most chicks do not know how to give good head) Then comes the moment of truth…and she kind of panics…guess I can´t blame her…a random overseas hookup…she´s going to want some guy to cherish her…hahaha fuck the cherish…that ain´t me(foreshadow). I was tired and pleased enough with what I got.

Next day both chicks get real clingy…it was actually their first day in Berlin and they had just started travelling. We all head to the free walking tour…which gives us a good enough excuse to ditch them…plus there were a bunch of cuties at the thing.

Now this turns into another great adventure…the adventure of freezing cold rain…ya I was soaked to the core, but the tour was awesome…go to see the hotel where Micheal Jackson held his baby off the balcony. look three windows down from the top.

then we saw the Brandanburgh gate. One of the last remaining edifices surviving World War two.

I also saw the Jewish memorial of the hollocaust and stand at the exact place where the words were spoken to bring down the Berlin wall. (That´s a great story…long…but ask me about it some time)

Holocaust Memorial

Holocaust Memorial

Wow, this is getting long, I´m gonna cut to a really fucked up time…my second pub crawl in Berlin. However, it´s with a different company this time and we go to different clubs. Right off the bat, start talking to this group of cuties…turns out they´re swedish…cha-ching bitches, but they bore me, so off to this Ozzie chick…she was a blast to be around. I met her when she made fun of the picture on my ID…after that we had blue steel batles…james bonde pose offs and many more crazy antics…yes she wanted to be fucked, buuuut I just had to much fun with her and her friends that I couldn´t…(plus I want a local)

Just to my luck…the last club I find just that local…a smooth moving…red hair flowing…blue eyes gazing…sexy little German/gothic girlie. Micheal Jacksons Billy Jean is playing…and I just bust out some of the craziest dance moves that even blow my mind. Now I´m usually a fair dancer, but tonight…damn…I must have some Kevin Bacon inside me or some shit…FOOOOOTLOOOOOOSE!

At the end of the song I dip this chick…and POW…make out…haaaard. Then some big German dude comes over…speaking German to me…(ahhh fuck) I just go…I don´t speak German…I´m Canadian…I´m Canadian. Basically I just keep repeating I´m a Canadian until finally the guy smoothes over to me…buys me a couple beers and were good. Turns out he´s just her protective brother…wierd thing is…this guy is four years older then his sister…hmmm.

After that I ease up the sexualness, just enough, but I tease the FUCK outta this chick. I´ll go in real slow…pull her face close…pretend to move in for the kiss…then stop…mere inches away from her lips…the sweet smell of cherries is wafting into my nostrils…then I just push her away. I do this a couple times…creating a huge sexual tension…it was definitely a bubble of love surrounding us. Finally her brother leaves and this chick goes ape shit…sharts running her hands all over me…sooo me being the inteligant guy that I am…play a little push pull with her (no its not a sex move you perverts) I just get her real hot and bothered…then finally…WHAMMY we make out harder then before.

Boy have I ever realized that European chicks are way more open with their sexualness…damn…the thing is…I don´t want to fuck her in the bathroom, I´ve already had a bad experience with an alley…both our places are far away…she also has her brother there…blah blah blah…ahhh fuck…SKO…take her outta there just to see what happens. This chick keeps telling me how much she likes me…wants me to stay longer…all this stuff…boy I actually really liked this chick…weird to be saying…but it was true. So I try at a grassy park, but not really feeling it as much…so I “cherish” her to the bus stop and turn to leave…she grabs me…pulls me in…make out hard…gives me her number, but I know chicks pretty well and numbers are usually wood.

So I head home…pleased that I met some great people…a hot little red headed German chick wants me…ahhh lifes good.

Ya rainbows and unicorns weren´t gonna last for long…

Im asleep at the room when my buddy comes back…Im thinking its just a chick for him so he´ll bang her in the next room…turns out he has three…and a guy. These fuckers wake me up, the other guy tries talking to me…then one of the girls eyes me up and jumps into my bed…WTF, but ok. I just want some sleep…and the girl who jumped into my bed starts going for the goods…wow…I don´t even know you, but ok. Then my buddy starts signaling no to me…Im not sure what he means so we pull a chick move…have a “private” talk. He says that chicks bad news…he thinks she fucked or sucked off some dude at the last club…ohhh gross…sloppy seconds…NO THANKS.

I go back in and act ice cold towards the chick…won´t say anything to her…she´s pawing all over me trying to get me to react. (dude… I have enough rejections to know how to do this shit right…so I guess I need to thank all the girls who rejected me previously because I used all your moves on this chick) I was driving her absolutely mental…I thought to myself…sheesh is this how us guys get when we want to fuck??? Finally I think she´s givin up…I fall asleep, but wake up to this chick sucking my dick…what the hell girl, for some strange reason I was a little mad(don’t ask me why) I tell her no and push her off…she goes crazy…pins me down…and says “THIS IS HAPPENING”……..and ya………I……….GOT…………………….RAPED.

People will tell me…well if you were hard its not rape…uh…I couldn´t do anything…I just layed there and she had her way with me. I really didn´t enjoy it…as say I could´ve. Anyway, it´s been over 3 hours of this resistance towards her…. I felt that if I gave in she´d leave me alone…ya I misjudged that. She left me alone until the next morning…she surprises me in the bathroom…this time I thought…well fuck it…if she had her way with me…time to return the favor…biotch. Ya so I go to town…then have my fun…I blow it all over her fucking face….bwahahahaha…ahhh you should have seen her trying to stop it…oh man…I´m still laughing about it just thinking back. There that´s what you get…crazy little bitch. Oh, on one hand to…she turns out to be a swedish chick…guess I have to mark that one down.

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One Response to “He came…He saw…He Conquered…BERLIN”

  1. Ashleigh S Says:

    Man it sounds like you’ve been having an amazing time! I’ve been reading all your entries pretty religiously, they never fail to crack me up and make me wish I could see/do some of the things you’ve done! The rape is a little sketchy… why didn’t you just tell her you had AIDS or something ridiculous lol?! Anywho, be safe out there! Lookin forward to your next entry!!

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