Welcome to Egypt…Where are you from?

The most common phrase you will ever hear if you enter Egypt. I personally think it’s the first phrase they learn to speak in school. At first you think they’re all being friendly, but soon enough you realize…they’re after your fucking money son.

the inside of an old beater of a cab

the inside of an old beater of a cab

Its true…I got ripped off hard on my first ever experience in Egypt. Over charged on my cab ride to the hostel, but guess what? I learned my lesson pretty quick. I was a little skeptical about doing the whole “hostel” thing, because I didn’t want to get more bed bugs, or whatever could happen in the third world. However, as it turns out…this was one of the best and most fun hostels I stayed at. Met some great people which makes the stay all the better.

The couple from England I met on the first night I ended up headed to the Pyramids with.By the way…I was given some good information by a friend of a friend in Rocky. Most of the tips really worked well, the funniest tho…was calling the cab driver she sugested. A sum up of what ensues, is him yelling at me for five minutes asking me the same questions over and over. I had to pass him over to one of the guys at the desk to deal with him…wowzers…prolly just got him on a bad day.


Now the Pyramids…and a once in a lifetime opportunity…camel ride. (Opens a door to the left, outsteps a hooded figure) Now introducing…scammer number two. The camel dudes.

Of course a camel ride is sweet, but I wasn’t really sure how much it would cost. I was able to haggle to a pitiful amount of about 60 dollars a person.(at the time…I thought it was reasonable…I was able to drop the price by 10 dollars…looking back…yipeee) Turns out another guy got it for 45 dollars and another group after that got it for 25. So ya…learned another lesson…be a hard ass.



Still the price was basically worth the experience. It was exhilerating, riding this tall, stinky beast through the dunes of time. Finally…rounding an enormous dune…and there in front of me lay…the pyramids. NIne to be exact…ya bet ya didn’t know that one.


Anyway, riding the camel was one of the coolest things I’ve ever done. Yes they fart, are uncomfortable as hell when they start trotting(I even pinched a nut) and sometimes… they feel the need to break loose and take off(one broke loose, but trotted only a small distance until the guy caught up with it) But I can’t put a description on the neat “O” factor of ridding such an ancient beast around the magnificient pyramids.

The pyramids are in a category all to themselves. Taking only ten years to build(took 20 years to assemble all the stone and get it perfect) the pyramids stand as looming figures to the land below. Standing far away or even at its base…these triangles of rock just radiate glory in all its pure form of extensiveness. The unfortunate thing, is all the garbage and miss treatment of these massive stones. Of course I climed on the pyramids, and would do more climbing on them, but really that shouldn’t be happening. The things are already deteriorating enough with all the pollution of Cairo. Still, the pyramids lived up to all and any hype.


As for the Sphynx…well that’s a different story.

One…I never realised how small the thing was, until I arrived, second…its pretty much complete shambles. Ya they’re doing some small restoration, but all in all…its a mess…not all that appealing. Still an awesome form of ancient artwork, but nothing to write home…or…on a blog about…(sphynx writting stops…here.)


Basically in Cairo, and all the other places I saw…there’s garbage and shit everywhere. I swear I saw five dead cow carcasses floating in a river. Still that’s not the biggest shocker. Ya the garbage can be bad…but holy speeding fuck…the traffic is worse.

mmm...lovely trash

mmm...lovely trash

They have lanes in Egypt…buuut they don’t use them. Cars are a jumble fuck everywhere. You really need to watch yourself…and learn the proper way of crossing the street pretty quickly…here…take a look at this quick informative video I created.

This is actually part two of one…the other video I created, has me crossing 8 lanes of traffic…sooo maybe another time.

Aisde from those shenanigans…onto one of the greatest museums of the world…the Egyptian museum. Chalk full of everything Egyptian that you could think of…it’s basically like a huge warehouse…with explanations on the ancient items.

The best two rooms in the entire museum are King Tut’s collection of gold, jewlery and the amazing mask. And the Royal Mummy room. The mummy room costs extra, but it was sooo sweet seeing these mumified former rulers. One of the mummy’s even had a face that looked like he was screaming when he died…pretty grusome. Also some look sooo life like. I hated getting to close for fear that one…might just…jump up and grab me.


Still, my third day in Cairo wouldn’t be complete unless I got ripped off some how…yes…ripped off in the Egyptian Museum…and no I’m not talking about the entrance or mummy fee. The thing is…you’re told not to take pictures in the museum. However, not once did I ever see a sign…so fuck that shit…picture time. I snap about three and begin to walk around the corner into another room when I hear someone yelling something. Instict takes over so I ignore the yell. Then I hear running…o shit…I turn around, and its a museum guard. He sticks out his hand and asks for my camera…I play dumb and tell him “what camera?” We jabber back in forth, until he says he saw me take pictures…here…here…and here as he points to the cameras overhead. Ohhhhhh…thaaaaaaat camera. I tell him, yes I have a camera, but if the pictures are the problem…I’ll just delete them. Again he asks for my camera…saying if I don’t give it to him he’ll take me to the security office. Shit…maybe this is for real…so repeat I’ll delete the pictures and begin to do so…until he stops me…and extends his hand…wanting a tip to keep him quiet. Awww fuck…you cheaky bastard. He wants about 20 dollars worth, but fuck that…I say no and hand over about a dollars worth…he gives me a moking smile and walks off.

Fucking hell…do they all want my money?

Basically I started noticing a new trend. The Egyptians have a different tactic when it comes to getting money, then do the Europeans. The Egyptians act friendly (as I mentioned above) Therefore, my friendly Canadian manerisms started coming out…ya…not a good thing. I started being friendly back…and thus…they wouldn’t leave me or anyone alone. I finally realized…even though this made me feel like such a douchebachery bag…I couldn’t responde or show any acknowlege of their presence. Shitty perspective, I know, but its the only way for them not to follow/pester you around everywhere.

Woah...lookit him go

Woah...lookit him go

Still…even though I’m being a little harsh on the Egyptians…they’re not all like that. Some turned out to be extremely friendly and sincere. One guy allowed me to use his cellphone while making a long distance call to Bangkok, and then he bought me a pop…pretty cool guy to.

Oh…I don’t know how this relates…but it reminded me of something….I never thought I’d say this, but I could not WAIT to see a Western dressed women while I was in Egypt. Yes I know its their culture, but damn…long loose fitting clothing…ya definitely not turning me on. No wonder these guys go crazy when they see a western style chick. I almost started staring myself whenever I saw a chick not dressed in those sexy looking bed sheets….sheeesh…now I’m all worked up.

Let’s slow things down…juuuust a little.

I SAW THE NEW JAMES BOND…hahaha…fuckers…it’l still be about a week by the time this post comes out until any of you “North American” types will see it. Don’t worry I won’t ruin it…specially since I didn’t even get to see the sex scenes or any “physical” contact for that matter…ya…it was all edited out. How fucked is that? Anywho…the movie is fucking sweet…I recommend it…action is top notch. This was one of my best movie experiences ever. Not only did it only cost me three dollars, but right in the middle of the movie…at no perticular spot…they just stopped the film for an intermission…hahaha you should have seen the face of the English guy I was there with…oh was he ever pissed. Still…I don’t know what the fuck Quantum of Solace stands for…if anyone else see’s it…please fill me in.



K then…onto the crazy mayham…that is…the El Kahlili Bazaar…or if you perfer…big ass fucking market. Now at first I ended up wandering into the wrong area, because I walked through this semi market and thought…geez what is everyone going on about…this place is tiny. Then I asked around…found out I needed to cross the street and then…BOOOYA GRANDMA…swarming with tourists…locals selling their wares…chattering…bustling…anything you could image was pretty much there.



This is the place you slap on your shades…and put on the fuck you look…or the people will eat you alive. I visited the market twice, and both times, the people I was with almost got literally dragged off into a shop.(just a hint…don’t take the dudes hand if he wants to shake) In the early going of the market…the sellers are ruthless…it was sooo tough to barter with them because most tourists only go to the outskirts…they don’t venture deep into the jungle. Best deals and ability to barter…middle to end section.

I bought some unique egytian items for under twenty dollars…ya I definitely improved my bartering skills.(took notes from some other world traveller extravaganza dude) Anyway…I normally don’t allow these tricky con artists to lead me to their shops…however, I have a good feeling on this one…so saddle up partner.(dumb and dumber quote…just incase you missed that one) Ends up that this dude leads us to this back section of the market with all the most wonderful smelling spices.


This magical aroma filled my nostrils and made me feel like a floating star….then he tried selling me the stuff…buzz gone. Super unique…and if I could travel with spices…I would’ve bought some. Best part of the whole leading me to the shop thing was this…I actually asked for a postcard shop.

After a hard day of shopping extrordinare…it was time for the party boat down the Nile. I was talking to the owners of the hostel about a faluka boat ride for the next day, but they mentioned these cheap party boats…so me and the crew at the hostel…we couldn’t pass this up. So we grabbed some beers and floated the nile.


What a unique experience this was…floating the Nile…listening to crazy Arabic music, having trippy lights spin around my head…and drinking one of the worst tasting…skankiest smelling…ass licking beers I’ve ever had in my whole life. If you could think of the worst things in the world and mix them together…ya that…plus death. Seriously it was that bad…you could ask anyone on the boat and they would agree. Buuuut it was cheap…and ten percent.

Dancing…singing…yelling welcome to Egypt at all the Egyptians…ahhh yes…it was a good night. The best part of the boat was when I got the smart idea to hang upside down by the bars hanging from the roof…hahaha…the following is what took place.


Surprisingly, after the boat ride, me and another guy(the guy with the red shirt) went off to the most authentic Egyptian beer hall. The reason I know it’s that authentic because one…all the windows were covered, and two…NO CHICKS. Yup a big ol sausage fest…but the beer was cheap and hey…who has two thumbs and has been to an authentic Egyptian Sausage fest?….THIS GUY(points to self)

Waking up the next day…ya the head felt a little worse for wear(I think the food at the beer hall was tainted), but it was faluka boat time. The hostel quoted the three of us at 100 pounds per person…well…we were able to negotiate our own fare…ya bitches…got it for 50 for a two hour ride down the Nile. This was the most relaxing boat ride ever…slowly floating, like a feather falling from the sky…landing into a pile of the softest…fluffiest whip cream you could think of. Ahhh with the breeze caressing your face…looking at the bustling city of Cairo…which is larger then Canada…this is how to experience cultures at its finest.

img_1380Finally…boarding the plane to get onto my next destination, I felt utterly thrilled to have experienced Egypt the way that I did. I can see why people love it…and why others loath it. Still…I’d love to go back…oh ps to all the chicks out there…France may be the creators of lingrie, but Egypt…they’re the creators of the sexiest and best priced lingrie I’ve ever seen. Definitely taking my chick shopping there in the future…don’t know why there’s so much of this…I didn’t see any locals buying it.

off to bangkok yo

off to bangkok yo


2 Responses to “Welcome to Egypt…Where are you from?”

  1. Ben Damabi Says:

    That was fantastic. I couldn’t wait to see the pictures and read about the Egyptian journey, everybody wants to go there. As for the camels, I remember my two-day camel ride in Tunisia being one of those moments you remember forever as well.

    Can’t wait for your Tales of Thailand: Full Moon Debauchery

  2. Your a lucky bastard… stay safe… don’t get ripped off anymore… and keep posting pictures.

    To old people like me who aren’t allowed to leave their home country… they are the best!

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