It sure lives up to its name…Bangkok

I witnessed one type of crazy in Cairo, but arriving in Bangkok…well…it’s taken to a whole new level. Here’s the break down…I arrive to Kohsan Road(backpacker central) and boom…I’m bombarded with hoards of people…streets cluttered with stalls…tuk tuk’s harrassing you left right and center and me standing there with my eyes popping out not knowing where to go.

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Still…I think the real Kohsan comes out at night…talk about an explosion. You may think its busy during the day…buuuut it’s even more outlandish at night.

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The funniest part is getting harrassed for suits and ping pong shows. My most memoriable suit harrassment was when one of the guy’s says…”cheap suits…cheap suits…cheap suits” So I pull out the Chris Tucker, Rush Hour Two card and go…”how cheap?” Ahhh made me laugh…I was actually able to get a pretty pimp suit for a hundred dollars…I love bartering now.

I’ll get to the nightlife in a little bit, but lets go to the brighter side of Bangkok first. Markets…they have regular markets…thieves markets…chinese markets and even floating markets. Bangkok has it all to fix your shopping needs. They even have this crazy black market type mall where you can get almost anything fake that you want…goood shit. Really able to craft the art of bartering.

floating market

floating market

Now…ladies and gentleman…pimps and hoes…step into the world…that is unlike anything you’ve seen before…that will shock you…stun you and possibly make you cry…welcome…to Bangkok nightlife…

(This music video just HAD to be put in my blog…especially here)

I  don’t think Bangkok sleeps, because when the sun comes down…all the madness comes out. Time for the tuk tuk drivers to get on ur case like flies on shit…they pester you for ping pong shows, sex shoes and sucky sucky five dolla.

img_1474Ya check out the pic above…this was a cart on the street…selling bugs…this one was crickets…mmm.

Still…my favorite hang out spot was a place that my buddy back home recommended. Gullivers…absolute majesty…except for what I ended up finding out the hard way…and no you sick fucks…not a lady boy.

Basically…I’ve heard Thailand is an easy place to pick up…but I thought it was more on the island parts…well that’s not completely true…

(those who know me personally know I love girls, but I do have a special taste for a perticular kind) So when I eye up a Thai chick and after bout 15 minutes…she grabs me outside…I was shocked…WTF is it actually this easy?…hahaha…nooo. As we’re walking she stops and tells me I “NEED” to buy this fucking bracelette…hahaha…what? I look at her stupified…she inisists…well fuck that…so I walk away…there’s soo much more out there

…or so I thought.

Turns out I get about four more chicks…buuuut all want money (in some form or the other) One even told me…”no money no honey”Bwahahaha…uh ya right…I won’t…and will never pay for sex…unless its buying a nasty hooker for a drunk friend…hahaha…those are priceless.

Unfortunately, night after night with all this sleazy ass shit, well…it was starting to put a damper on me…but not to fail…one last try…this time I get my first chick with fake tits. Now a motto I like to use from a guy I know is this…there’s no sense fucking around when ur fucking around…so I straight up ask her if she’s a working chick…she says no

…we will see.

To test the waters I decided to do the ol bathroom pull…and it works…she sucks my dick…but guess what…just take a fucking guess what she may want…sex?…o…you would think so…but no…she wants money. Fuck this…enough for me.

Its a weird mind fuck actually…you see tons of hot chicks(just to point out…some aren’t even chicks) and most are working for money…gay shit. Turns out the bar that I was frequenting was also a hooker bar. Guess that would explain it. Still…the sickest part is seeing these little cuties with these fat…nasty ass old dudes. Ur like…WTF mate…so are you saying I could pick up a little hottie and she mighta slept with grandpa nuts over there…ya not a pretty idea.

So ya that was pretty much the same ol…I’d keep getting the working chicks while others were getting the regulars…fuuuuck…therefore I actually just started going there to…ahem…dance. Ya man…literally fuck chicks…I’m dancing.

After a few days in Bangkok I decided to jet on some day trips…so I hopped on to an Elephant show. It was pretty sweet seeing the elephants up close, doing crazy shit like playing soccer, jumping, spinning and doing basic human stuff…man I love elephants. They’re soo nice too.

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Next was the crocodile show. Now if any of you have seen the video of a guy getting the crocodile closing its mouth on his head…ya that’s this place.

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That was probably one of the collest shows I’ve seen. Specially since the guys doing it seemed sooo inexperienced…one guy actually got bit…another guy fell on a croc and almost had it attack him…ohh man. It may draw loads of tourists, but seeing someone stick their full hand and head in the crocs mouth…balls o steel my friend.

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Still one of my most memorable moments of the Bangkok experience was…no not a ping pong show…hahaha…I wasn’t planning on going by myself to one of those joints…but I’m def going to see one before I leave Thailand…geeez…how can you not see one before you leave? Sooooo anyway…the memorable part was getting driven around Bangkok for free.

How did I pull this off you may ask? Well I was able to persuade the tuk tuk driver to take me around by stopping at two of his “shops” I admit…the one suit store was sketchy as fuck…but the travel agent was the easiest stop. The ol tucky took me to some great temples.

Got to see the worlds tallest boodha

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and even the longest leaning boodha in Bangkok

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During one of the stops I even met a cool local who set me up with a private meditation class.

I love trying knew things…so I thought…hey I’ve never really medidated…lets try this shit out. I went to one of Bangkok’s biggest temples and at a side house area was where the teachings took place. I was set up with a monk who spoke some slight english. I first had to read the meditation booklet, then he taught me the proper meditation format.

He went through all the steps, and then told me to try it. He wasn’t impressed with how I began, so he said, “I’m going to leave you for half an hour, then come back.” I was shocked, but nothing I could do but practice.  At first I felt very awkward…but soon enough I started internalizing what the monk had said. During my meditation process, it finally started clicking and I was at complete ease with myself and my surroundings. It’s very tough to explain how I felt during the half an hour, but for a brief explanation it was like this. I couldn’t hear any outside noise…I was completely focused on my body…feeling everything that was going on. I lost track of time, and anytime a thought came in, I would acknowledge the thought…then let it go. The coolest thing, was when I snapped out of the trance, and my legs, and body instantly became numb and started hurting. During the entire process however, couldn’t feel a thing…weird shit.

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Walking home that night was one of the most blissful things I’ve ever done. Overall it was such a great feeling and intriguing process that I’ve researched out a temple in Chang Mai. It’s up in the mountains and I want to spend a couple days there trying to perfect this art. Now… I’m not going to become this crazy bald monk or anything, but If you ever get the chance…I recommend trying it out.

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3 Responses to “It sure lives up to its name…Bangkok”

  1. Are monks not abstinent folk?

    If so… that may not work out for you bud… lol… can’t wait to hear about the next leg of your journey!

  2. Simon Khalili Says:

    WOWOWOW! Nice write up bro!

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