Ping pong isn’t just a game…its a job

After having a few recent adventures(which included a ping pong show) I just thought…how the hell can I not do a fucking write up about this…so here it is…but…lets start from the beggining.

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I last left you in Vientiane, the capital city of Laos as I was about to head back to Thailand. Along my way back I was able to stop in at this real cool boodhist courtyard type thing…surrounded by trees, the Mekong river, rolling hills and finely cut grass…this hidden gem was a place well worth visiting.

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Ya…I know it’s only ancient boodha’s, but fuck man…this type of layout isn’t something you’re going to find strolling down the street to see little miss Johnson. And the best part about this place…I found it by looking at a postcard.

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Aside from that place I’ll fastforward through me walking around a town all day with my big pack…getting screwed over at the border and almost missing my train out of that shitty little town…see just not that exciting.

Therefore, I arrive back in Bangkok for a second run with everything. (The main thing was to meet a friend, but turns out her plane got delayed even more then expected) This time in Bangkok I was more prepared for what was to happen,…still…this didn’t stop me getting yelled at by the Tuk Tuk drivers.

Lucky enough I meet this cool guy at the first hotel I’m checking into…we share a few stories and then become insta buddies. Mainly because he and I both…had never seen a ping pong show…awwww yaaaa…game on. (See you can’t fucking leave Bangkok and NOT see a ping pong show) Yes the thing is dirty…degrating and illegal in all other countries…buuut that’s what makes it good.

Now just a note…you’re not allowed to take pictures during the show…sooo…I’m just going to add generic ping pong balls, bannanas and whatever she shot out of herself just so you can get the idea.

The best thing about going to a ping pong show is…you don’t have to pay the tuk tuk driver…they WANT you to go…and so we get the funnest tuk tuk driver ever. This guy was a fucking race car driver…zooming around everything…cars…people…poles(yes went on the sidewalk) and almost died a couple times too…buuut…no big deal.

We arrive at these huge wooden laid doors…two massive bouncers are standing outside and so we meekly enter, looking probably a little afraid, interested, humoured and unsure…all at the same time. (I’ve heard stories about the ping pong scam, but still…I have no idea what to expect) So we pretty much get run for all the money we have…buuut it’s SHOW TIME BITCHES…and pooof into this enormous stripper type room we go.

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Show starts out with a bunch of decent looking girls dancing…but I must say…Asian chicks…DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DANCE. If I was to explain it…it would look like a mix of a kid needing to go take a piss and a shimmy of the hips(just picture that) Then the action starts…first she pulls out all these razor blades out of her pink area and takes paper and cuts the design of a hat…alrighty not that bad…next is opening pop bottles…then pulling a glow in the dark huuuuuuuge string out.(It’s crazy how they get it all up there without it balling up)

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Then a little dance intermission…then comes the sweet one…ping pong balls…at first she plays a game where she puts the ball inside her…then lightly shoots it out…then she starts getting higher with it…untill…they start shooting into the crowd…me being the graceful one I am…ends up getting it right in the fucking head…ohhh lucky me…hahaha…she even asked at the end if I wanted it…uh…ya no.

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Then it goes dark and a fucking naked dude walks out…WTF…I don’t want no fucking gay show…buuuut turns out a chick follows him and they go into all these crazy ass positions doing a live sex show. It was funny and entertaining all at the same time…I even took down notes 😛 (rings on the roof would do wonders for anyones sex life…just to note)

Finally the best for last…darts. Ya a different chick comes out hands out balloons and starts picking them off with sniper acuracy. These darts are fucking zooming outta her…quicker then someone jumping out of their pants with ants in em. Pretty fucking nuts…lucky nobody got a fucking dart in the neck.

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oh…almost forgot…for the finally…she also took this clear liquid…drank it up her ham wallet and pissed out coke…ya it was coca-cola…wanna know how I know?…I’ll leave it up to your imagination, but just know…I didn’t drink it.

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What an experience…I definitely won’t be rushing out to see one next time…but it’s something I would never have seen anywhere else. I have a few other small stories…buuut I’m just going to leave you with a taste…I ended up breaking my no Asian promise aaaaand Koh Samui isn’t all what it seems.

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One Response to “Ping pong isn’t just a game…its a job”

  1. Once again Andrew… what a post!
    I’ve heard stories of these women with keegel muscles soo tight they could break your finger… and now you’ve encountered them… nothing amazes me anymore… lets just hope that after your very own Asian encounter that you still have your “Pintoo”.. lol.
    Really… I think your soo lucky to be globe trotting while we here in Southern Alberta are knee deep in snow… and braving minus 45 degree wind chills like the little soldiers we all are.
    My co-worker Tristan Tuckett is leaving for a similar adventure on the 1st of January…which just makes me crazy jealous of both you young blokes… traveling the world… enjoying yourself… kid free… yay for you (hope you can interpret the sarcasm in that one)
    So where are you off to next?
    Just a note… if no one else is enjoying your blog… know that I am living vicariously through you… HAVE FUN… BE SAFE

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