Scuba Steve Supreme Dream

You’d think that being on island…having so much time to spare…you’d be able to get a quick post up and written…well fuck that…once you get on the beach…coming into an internet cafe is the last thing you’d want to do…buuut here I am…kind of an off day…and I can’t let my poor viewers down…right kids?

Alrighty…lights…check…music…

…check…an awesome story to be written…awww yeah.

Lets begin…curtains up please *curtains are raised*

I’m going to start in Koh Samui…the island described as a girl who wears too much make up.(actually as I was soon to find out…it was mostly the lady boys wearing all the make up) Anyway…full of strip malls, big hotel chains, McDonalds, old people and tons of cars…Samui was very much like Bangkok on a smaller piece of land.

Now don’t get me wrong…the beaches were awesome…but having solitude…you really have to look.

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Personally I’m not one who likes being hassled by people selling stupid shit…so after spending a day on Chawang Beach…I was off to find my own little secluded beach…and boy…did I find it. I went on another cool little adventure…I climbed a fence…down some rocks…through a cage with barking dogs and then finally…arrived on my little paradise. A little cove with a stunning beach, and only two other people on it…full on glory baby.

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Aside from the beaches and water(which are the biggest upside) the parties on Koh Samui are pretty full on…of course…look out for lady boys…they’re huge on the prowl here…but I was able to find some European tail…soo that’s a plus.

Probably the coolest bar was the Ice Bar…it was fully decked out in ice…you actually were giving mitts and a hat to enter…of course…stupid ol me…didn’t bring my camera…oh well…its ingrained into my brain.

After quickly tiring of the cityesque feel of Samui…it was time to Scuba dive and bask in the pure untouched supremeness of Koh Tao. After hearing nothing but good things about Koh Tao…I was a little skeptical if it would live up to the hype. Relaxing…beautiful scenery and everything in walking distance, basically all you could want in an island. And girl…it didn’t dissapoint.

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My main reason for Koh Tao was taking my PADI courses(or scuba diver license), but being 20 paces from the ocean…in a secluded area and paying about 6 dollars a day for a room…hmmm can’t complain. The island was sooo quiet too, you barely ever saw people…that is…until you went out to party…then its beach dancing times…oh and just to note…I won the Lotus circle beach dance off…no big deal…cus no one can top me busting out a Russian can-can.

Anyway…if you want to relax…have just as beautiful beaches as Samui…quietness, easy to navigate, cheap accommodation and food…then ya…HIGHLY RECOMMEND KOH TAO.

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Now onto the under depths of the world…where time basically stops…the area is still…creatures pass by your face and if your lucky…you might see a spurt of white…………..I’m not talking about the last time you had sex…I’m talking about UNDER THE SEA…SCUBA DIVING.

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I was both excited and nervous about the whole experience. My nervousness arose because I wasn’t sure if I was getting a deal or falling into a scam. But after I finished the studies, strapped on the scuba gear and felt the cool water rushing against my body as I bobbed up and down in the salty waters of Koh Tao…I was hooked. Breathing underwater is one of the most exhilarating experiences ever…it blows your mind when you first do it. Now of course…me being myself…I almost drowned during the first training exercise of breathing underwater…buuut still…wow right now.

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All the fish…corrals and just unique areas you can travel…are absolutely mesmerizing….I can’t really explain it other then this…(think of the anchorman scene where they all jump for joy for new suits…if you can’t think of that…picture me jumping in the air yelling YA in the gayest voice…ya…there you go…now your starting to believe)

Anyway…all the underwater experiences were going great…that is…until the night dive of destruction. This was the dive I was looking the most forward to. Diving at night…how fucking cool is that? Unfortunately we had already done two dives that day and I was fucking tired as an obese child trying to eat their third Twinkie. So we saddle up, strap in, strap on our lights and begin our descend into the dark depths of the unknown world below us.

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Everything is going smooth…we see some cool glow in the dark fish…see the coral and fungae changing from day to night…boy it was beautiful. Then comes the navigation part…I was supposed to navigate with my buddy 10 kicks in one direction then return. We go out…do our 10 kicks…he turns around…I lose sight of him…and then can’t find where he went. So its pretty much pitch black down there…except for a few lights in the distance…ok great…that must be my group…uh…WRONG…turns out its another scuba group, which I end up pissing off because I go around shining my light in all their faces…great gumdrops…now what?

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So that group takes off and leaves me alone…and then…my flashlight dies…holy fuck I think…this is like some shit from a bad horror movie…as I start picturing all these blood thirsty creatures collecting themselves around me…so I start slamming my light against my hand…and POOF…back on. Ohh thank the undersea gods…so I check my oxygen levels…good…and I just commence the waiting period, for someone to come find me.

Well I’m sure it was longer then a minute, but soon enough a group of lights come in my general area…so I swim for that and catch up with a group who brings me back to the boat. And waiting there is my whole group…fucking shitting themselves thinking I’m dead at the bottom…ooops sorry guys…my bad…hehehe.

SCUBA TIMEZZZ

SCUBA TIMEZZZ

Now onto my favorite part of the underwater experience…the sea cucumber. If you haven’t seen the jackass part of the sea cucumber…well here it is:

Ok…so its not good for the sea cucumber…buuut damn…that shit is funny…so of course…I had to do that shit too…so I picked up a big pulsating purple one…and blew the fucking load onto the face of a poor unsuspecting scuba diver…bwahahaha….ahhh *shakes head* I’m fucked up that way.

Aside from all the great sea creatures I saw…there was also a great deal of partying to be had…unfortunately we partied a little too hard one night…and got breathalized by the scuba instructors the next day (my first ever breathalyzer) Thankfully I passed…unlike the character named Brokeback on the scuba team…guy blew a fucking whopping .18…hmm…isn’t the legal limit .08???

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Anyway…one night was this big island type party…so me and a few others roll up to this place and begin on getting shit faced…and again…in saunter the lady boys…ugh *shiver*…so me and my english buddy end up having some fun with the LB’s. They know we know they’re LB’s or so I thought…soon enough a couple start hitting on me and I’m laughing/playing along…until one kisses me on the cheek…yikes…I almost shat myself

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Then a while later when I’m by myself, another one approaches me, saying how it really likes me…hahaha…sorry LB you’re not my type. I’m trying to be nice saying I’m not interested…I have aids…you know the usual…but this one isn’t having it…it wants crazy haired Herman and grabs my Johnny Wonder…well WOAH NELLY…I get the fuck outta there pretty damn quick. As I leave I look over and all these guys are fucking laughing their asses off…well…glad I could give some entertainment value for the night. Fuck guess I look like an innocent unsuspecting target.

woah...what?

woah...what?

So there you have it folks…Koh Tao in a nut sack…oh wait…nut shell. The scuba diving was excellent, I recommend anyone to get it done, the water was great, the beaches quiet, the actual whole island…like a small little town, with everything you need…absolutely great.

Soon to come…Koh Phangan…Half Moon party, Black Moon Culture, Pool parties…drugs…sex…and much much more

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