Let’s Sloooooow Down

Holy Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat…I just had one of the craziest…longest…most stressed days for as long as I can remember, but one good thing…I’m still alive.

It all started when I decided to leave the good ol party island of Koh Phangan and head down to Bali. First off, talking to a buddy of mine, he recommended I go chill out in a small Malaysian island called Langkawi. It sounded great, prestine beaches, not too populated, great sunsets, not extremely expensive…my kind of place. So I booked my bus and awaaaaaay I went.

One thing to point out, Thailand isn’t the most organized when it comes to figuring out connecting buses, trains or what have you. They just tell you, don’t worry just sit over there. Well after missing one bus, I finally go up and ask…uh…where is the bus to so and so place? Oh…didn’t we tell you to sit over there?…hmmm…NO. Luckily it worked out…I got on the speedy gonzalez bus from hell and andele andele we were off.

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Now the story starts taking some weird twists. It was the perfect day for travel because it was the rain of destruction coming down, unfortunately it had been raining even harder in the southern parts of Thailand, soooo….streets were flooded. Didn’t stop are driver as he plowed right through the covered streets…almost spinning out once. I was looking out at the roads and thinking…shit…we actually might not make it…oh well…I’ve got my fucking banana bread…I’m set. The funniest was driving through the wetness and seeing all these kids standing in it looking sad…WTF

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Oh well…we got through the hellish downpour and made it to another bus station for yet another transfer…luckily I was the only white person, so it wasn’t tough for them to find me and tell me where to go. Oh and another lucky part I got slapped in a tight mini bus with all chicks…some little cuties too…giving me the eyes…buuuut…not sure if the eyes were because I looked like a bum or cus I’ve got pimpilicious eyes…I’ll take the latter.

Thankfully the next part was pretty easy going…the bus driver drove me right to a cheap rickety hotel…I settled in and realized it looked just like the room from the movie the beach.(sorry no pics)

Next was trying to sort out getting out of Thailand, into Malaysia and to Langkawi. Asking around town…no one knew. Or they did, but the times were all wacked and different. So I picked the middle of the times and I was still wrong. I arrived two hours before I needed to be…sooo…postcard time.

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Finally…I arrived on the Island of Langkawi. I was set to go lie on a beach…have a few cocktails and just bask in pure glory…buuuut…before I do…better check about getting to Khuala Lumpur. I’ve got a flight leaving early in a couple days…wouldn’t want to miss it.

I rock up to the ticket desk…start asking about trains, or buses to KL and they start rambling off…SOLD OUT…COMPLETELY BOOKED…FULLY BOOKED…I DON’T THINK THAT ONE RUNS…BLAH BLAH BLAH…I’m standing there with my jaw open…eyes bulging…thinking WHAT THE FUUUUCK. Alright…don’t panic..there must be another way. I ask about other options…NADA. Only one available is bus…that night…leaving at 9:50pm for KL…Hmmm…well…atleast I get to enjoy Langkawi by lugging my fucking bag around.

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After I buy my ticket I ask…soooo….how do I get to the bus station. “Oh that’s simple…you hop on this ferry here…take a bus here and then walk 10 minutes and you’re there” Yaaaaa pretty fucking easy.

After getting the last ferry of the day…I decide to just walk and be a bum in the park…so that’s exactly what I do. Funny thing was…sitting in parks…watching the birds…and just enjoying the outdoors was something I had planned to do when I first started travelling….now I’m ACTUALLY doing it.

Now another M. Night Shamalan twist. I’m in a nice secluded spot…gazing out over the ocean…watching sailboats sailing by…the sun slowling descending from the correscant sky, the red and orange and blue…a perfect combination of colours to extremiate the sense. The breeze slowly cascading upon the hair…rustling the leaves in the tree above…stillness…sweetness…completeness. THEN I SNAP OUT OF IT…

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Look down at my watch

6:04pm…hmmm ok ferry doesn’t leave until 7pm

Then I voice jumps out of my head

HEY…ASSHOLE…MALAYSIA IS ONE HOUR AHEAD OF THAILAND…YOU DIDN’T CHANGE YOUR WATCH

Hmmm…turn around…excuse me…what time is it?

7:04pm….FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Road runner time…I grab my bag and bust my ass to the ferry station…jumping over small children…pushing grandma’s aside…toppling carts and making it to the gate…and seeing…a ferry pulling away. An image pops into my mind of me running and jumping onto the ferry James Bond style, but soon it’s to far away

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Shit…I give the guy my ticket…he looks at me…looks at the ticket then looks back at me shaking his head. Sorry he says…the ferry just left….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Now, no more getting to Khuala Lumpur…no more catching the flight to Bali…no more new years extravaganza…no more.

However, the ticket guy says…well…maybe you can catch that ferry, it’s going to the same place.

So I run down, give the guy at the ferry my ticket and he tells me it doesn’t look good, but maybe they can put me on and drop me off, I just have to wait until everyone else is seated. So I wait, and wait and wait. Finally he motions me over. He tells me that I’m very lucky…there’s only two seats left…oh thank god…I’m going to make it baby, as my heart starts to slow back to a normal pace, the buckets of sweat start to supside and I flop down on the ferry seat exhausted…like I just outran some lady boy trying to cup a feel.

After that momentary stressness of unwanted porportions…I finally arrived at the bus station…sweaty…unshaven…unbathed for bout two days…got in the luxury seats and rode away in the sunset to Khuala Lumpur.

Arriving in KL…I step out…grab my bag…look around into this brand new city, knowing not where to start…and then…it starts to rain…

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