Archive for January, 2009

The Job hunt of Jubilations

Posted in The land down under with tags on January 30, 2009 by bobbyvanilla

*Writers note: Should have had this out muuuuuuuch sooner…however, fucking hostel’s internet went down for four days…thanks to all those that keep on following*

Ahh buddy jesus

Ahh buddy jesus

Drunken madness…11 hours straight partying…Australia Day…my Birthday…Girls…Booze…KFC…and…FUN TUMULTUOUS TIMEZ OF TANZABAR.

All those need they’re very own episode, therefore I’m going to write about the glorific leadup to these superb adventures.


It was a balmy 27 degrees when I hit the street for the first time in Brisbane.


Who would have thought that after four months and two weeks, my monetary funds would be running slightly lower then expected(well if you “HAD” thought of that…keep it to yourself…jerk :P)

Anyway…time to pound the pavement and hand out resumes.



This was probably one of the funniest times for trying to get a job. I’d go into all sorts of nooks and crannies of places. Some people would sound positive, some would sound rude, or some just smelled like the mix of a used diaper with Indian food, but all in all, I was keeping a positive outlook. Even when one guy took one look at me and said…Is that your actual hair?(ya I know…trying for the Hilton…hey…it was worth a shot)


For three days, I was out from 11am until 5pm. The streets of Brisbane had become my office…the stores on them…my conquests. It was all about selling myself…in the non-prostitute way…to make these employers employ this employee. Still…no one wanted to hire a scraggly haired… Canadian traveler kid. Most thought I wouldn’t stay around.

Soon enough…I’d handed out all my resumes and to places I never thought I’d work…but fuck…I was desperate people…money low…rent high…and my stomach wasn’t taking any holidays…soooo…Subway…7-Eleven…other fast food places, but luckily…not McDonalds.(Even tho…if I still couldn’t find a job…well…ahem…would you like an apple pie with that?)

Luckily for me, Brisbane has a great…grand…spectacular nightlife…where if you look properly…doesn’t charge cover. So yippeee…hot girls…loud music…free entry…ahhh…time to unwind.


If there wasn’t anything of the sort…I may not have lasted as long…but thankfully, I stuck it out and it eventually paid off…guess what? Someone took a chance on me. Ya can you fucking believe that. Took a look at my resume and thought…ya this kid is the real deal…well lucky me.

The guy calls me up, tells me to be in on Thursday for a run through, so I show up and almost as fast as I can put the apron on, he’s telling me to make sandwiches for the customers.


So picture this…people telling me what kind of sandwich and shit they want on it, and me just going about making it how I see fit…oh…you don’t want it toasted…well…it tastes better this way. ūüėÄ

But I’m not a complete idiot…or well…my mom tells me I’m not…haha…so therefore I start getting the hang of the sandwich shop and how much everything costs and VOILA VAGINAS…I start speeding up the process and feeling alot more comfortable.

The people I work with are very helpful and awesome people…except for one douchebag who starts acting all big shit like…making me do shitty jobs just cus he can…ohhh whatever…this little ol bald man has nothing going for him…he needs to feel special somewhere.

Eventually…my shifts up and I’m hired. It was a pretty good feeling…over coming adversity…blowing through the constraints put out by the establishment…creating dreams while still crushing pus…uh…pusillanimity…ya…now doesn’t that sound like a great tag line for a movie or something?

Anyway…I grab my work slips and gallantly skip home to the beat of my own drum…then trip and spend 5 minutes on the ground wheezing, going…ahhhh…and grasping my leg…

Awesomenss…I’ve got a jobby

Now…it’s time to party…but yet…I may have a job, but I’m not getting any richer…as of yet.

So this needs to be very thought out…do I spend my party money, today because of my job or wait until the weekend for all the shenanigans that are bound to happen? Well…it took some time…but of course I made the right choice…EVERYBODY’S WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND.



The Eye of the Hurricane

Posted in The land down under on January 18, 2009 by bobbyvanilla

Welcome to Australia my friends…or the magical mythical land of Oz(ya I like that name better)

First stop on the next journey lag…Darwin. The ball sweat capital of the world…maybe not exactly, but this place reminds me of some epic proportion place of sweatiness.


Darwin is the hottest…humidifier of a place I’ve ever been. Immediately when I came outside the nice air conditioned airport, my pores began to cry stinky tears from every place imaginable.

This sweat bag of a city would continue, for the next few days.¬† I ventured all over seeing gardens, oceans and sunsets, then on returning I’d be soaked in sweat…a beautiful sight.


Then the skies opened up to cool this hellishly hot outer rimmed city…so I thought…time to move along. You know…go somewhere with none of this darn rain or anything resembling flooding…so then Cairns it is.

Of course…this city turned out to be the complete opposite, with torrential down pours, 188mm of gushing spraying super extreme flooding and to top it all off…a cyclone 50 km off the coast of Cairns. Hey, hey…at least this was the first ever tropical storm I’ve ever witnessed.


Since this was the craziest rain I’ve ever seen(with side rain just to fuck with you) I decided to go venture around and see what I could see. Turns out, what I ended up finding was…cars in water…water up to my knees…and being completely and utterly drenched. It was a fun first walk around.


Luckily…the day would not be a complete “wash”(hehehe nice pun eh) Turns out the hostel I was staying at, plans these huuuuuuge parties on Monday. Hence the name…Mad Monday. So we all get settled into pre-drinking…mmm…box of wine…and I decide it’d be a good idea not to eat anything…aaaaaaaaaaand awwaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go.


Let me break this down for you. You visit 5 bars, get free drinks, some free food, a t-shirt and tons of deals for 10 dollars. We get to the first bar…get our free pint of beer…feel good…time for some fucking drinking games. Quarters is the game that gets it going. I start taking people out…so naturally…I begin to beak…and then…yup…four full glasses later…definitely starting to feel it.

Next I decide it would be a good idea to go onstage and do a strip tease for this contest…pretty funny shit…but definitely not one of my prouder moments…prolly a video floating around on the internet somewhere too. Anyways…upwards and onwards my friends.

Next bar…THE TEAPOT of shots…ya drunkness of un-charted territories.


I end up having a shit show gong show wasted night…almost get into a fight(which I don’t remember), enter the bar’s kitchen and get a sandwich, then sometime during then and the next bar…get lost and wonder home. (Don’t remember what happened between that time)

The parts I do remember…getting back to the hostel…locked out…can’t seem to find an enterance…so what does the genius think would be a good idea…CLIMB THE FENCE BABY. I end up hopping this enormous metal fence by climbing a garbage can…cranking my knee and finally stumbling into bed.

The morning wake up…Boy do I feel like shit…must’ve been a good fucking night…don’t remember much…hmmm lets check the camera.


Go into my pants pockets…camera…check, keys…check, wallet….uh….wallet…WHAT THE FUCK. Immediately jump up…hangover gone…and of course…wallet gone. Yup…guess it was bound to happen…the crazy drunkiness of a night caught up with the ol boy and took away his trusty wallet, with 50 dollars in cash, Drivers license, student card, and a few others…but luckily…no “Important card” was lost. Ya its shitty, but hey…that’s life…live and learn motherbitches.

After feeling a little bummed about the lost wallet…I decided to shake my foundation…and how do you do something like that…test your limits…BUNGY JUMP TIME.


I would’ve never really done this, if not for another guy at the hostel mentioning it. But when he suggested it…I “jumped” at the opportunity.

This was thrilling, exhilarating, shaking, frightening and pant shitting all at the same time. I had so many emotions flowing through my body, I didn’t know what to do with them all.

I was like a big numbness ball of…um…numbiness???(don’t know how else to explain it)

Felt fine putting on the bungy cord and fine when I was sitting there, but then when I slowly walked to the edge…they tell you to put your toes over the lip…uh…ya… I think there’s a log in my pants.

One thing to note…this is the most “EXTREME” thing I’ve ever done.

Here’s the vid so you can check out what happened

A side note about the jump…Turns out I did it improperly. You’re supposed to jump face first as in a swan dive…ya I did the move called “The Elevator” Feet first and get rag dolled around…good times.

After the jump I was completely speechless. I tried to talk but nothing would come out. I just didn’t know what to say. I was fucking stoked, shocked, amazed, baffled, bamboozled and dumbfounded all at the same time. WOW RIGHT NOW THAT WAS AWESOME.


Next, it was off to chill out for the rest of the afternoon, so we drove down the beautiful Australian country side, full of fruits, trees and places called Edmonton and Innisfail…n ya they were pretty crappy places even here ūüėõ


Soon enough we arrived at this little swimming hole. A natural waterslide, numerous waterfalls and tucked away in an Australian rainforest…made for a stunningly relaxing afternoon.


Next was one of the main reasons why I took scuba diving lessons…THE GREAT MOTHERFUCKING BARRIER REEF. I had to make sure I found the best deal available, then planned it all out and shwammy…time to explore the great barrier reef in an underaquatic experience that is out of this world.

Lucky for me I was the only certified diver on the boat taking a dive that day, so I got a little special attention and was able to explore the reef without much wait time. Now diving in Thailand was great, but diving here…superdazzling sugary goodness. It was as if I had dove into an enormous fish tank, as I could see for miles and the vast array of fish and coral was unbelivable.


I saw sharks, turtles, enormous fish the same size as me, tons of little nemo’s and coral upon fuzzy coral that is only specific to this part of the world. Again I can’t stress this enough…scuba diving is the best times you’ll ever have…unreal how close you can get to everything. Yes snorklings still fun, but can you follow a sea turtle around for 10 minutes while you’re snorkling…hmm…can you? YAAAAAAAA NO


After the great dive experience and meeting tons of people on the boat, I was invited to a pub crawl…and since I was jacked about the dive I thought…hell ya…lets do this shit…PARTY TIME…then the voice in my head…(think of a nerd with a quiet squeaky annoying voice)”Now don’t you go getting too drunk…remember what happened last time…you lost your wallet…hmmmm….will you like losing your passport?”

Shut the FUCK UP…I wanna have a good time…time to rock the house. So for the next eight hours, its food, drinks, girls, drinks, food, games, prizes, girls, dancing…fun timez. I end up playing a game called nutz and boltz, turns out I screw my big bolt into a tinny blondes nut…it was awesome. We were the first group to match up so we got the best prize. 50 dollars…SHAZAAAAM.

It was a great last night in Cairns…the parties were good, the free food was awesome and the bungy jump/scuba supreme…were to live and die for all at the same time…next up for me…one of the biggest party towns in Australia…Brisbane…or Brizzy as I hear other’s calling it. Hopefully I can make it down to Byron Bay for my Birthday…more ultimateness shall ensue.


The Bus of Doom and Singapore’s not just a Sling

Posted in South East Asia with tags , , , on January 9, 2009 by bobbyvanilla

Last day in South East Asia…fucking crazy…unreal…just…wow.

Seems like it’s been years since I first started this magical journey of rollercoaster proportions.

Now in Australia, so might as well finish up my crazy experiences of the last couple days…shall we begin my friends?

I think we shall.

Back to the beginning of things….Kuala Lumpur. A city of cities…not quite sure where to classify this baby…so lets just start from my first visit.

*type of hypnotic speech pattern*Let the water trickle over your eyes…pass through the mist…follow the bobbing light…yes…deeper…deeper…


*back to normal* Alright…that was my fucking attempt to bring you into the past…now snap out of it.

The rain just started coming down, I was tired, dirty, unshaven, lost and now…wet…great. Eventually, after asking 5 different locals for directions, getting more lost, making my way back I finally decide to just trust my gut. Turns out…my gut was pretty smart…I found the places I was looking for. So after arriving at 5:30am I found a place I could rest my weary fluffy head at 8:20am.

After a few hours of snoozing it was time to walk the city…oh let me just find a pay phone…turns out I look for a couple hours, find hundreds of pay phones, buuuut none work…hmmm…nice system KL.


So I decide, it would be best to just go out and explore the city. I find a bunch of great shops, a chocalatery, tons of skyscrapers and huge shopping malls and the Patronus Towers(don’t know why, but they always remind me of Harry Potter)

As the hungry monster starts to settle in, I make my way to little India, where I find this great little restaurant run by this little old man. Great food, good price…I’m fucking set. A crazy upside down type of city, with a flair for the theatrics and great food. That was my first experience with KL.

Now…THE RETURN(sounds like some low budget horror flick)


A little more familiar, I end up meeting these two Canadians on the trip from the airport…STORY TIMES SUPREME ensue. From meeting former NHLer’s to ridding a bus that hit a group of kids the big pot’o stories was definitely getting stirred.

With these newbie KLer’s and myself knowing a little about the city, we end up doing a full night of exploration. Seeing more of the skyscrapers, malls, towers and finding some more great restaurants and drinking holes.

After exploring a little more of KL my opinion kind of remained the same. A bustling China Town, a spicy little India numerous grand looking skyscrapers, deluxe malls and you can change from rich to poor in one block.


Now…it’s time to leave.

Again bus is the comfiest and most affordable way to travel in Malaysia…that is…when it works…let me explain my little…BUS OF DOOM.

First, trying to buy the ticket.

There’s tons of people selling tickets everywhere, so you can pick and chose the price you want to pay. Everyone saw me come up, and immediately, the prices started skyroacketing…well you little fuckers…I’m not having any of that shit…after bargening…heckling and laughing…I finally find a little stand that sells me an affordable ticket. Righto…got some time to kill before I take off, perfect.

I think its a good idea, that since I’ve already got my “GOLDEN” fucking ticket

I should spend the rest of my money on food…because…well…I don’t need anymore of this Malaysian paper. Hmmm…will this come back to haunt me? I just don’t know(Foreshadow anyone?)

I arrive back at the counter plenty of time before my bus leaves. They look at my ticket, scratch out the platform number and put a new one. Ya that’s reeeeeeeeeal comforting. They point me in the direction of the new platform and say You go there.

So I head down to the carbon monoxide sweaty pit of death and begin to wait…and wait…and guess what?…wait some fucking more. Until eventually it’s well past the two o’clock departure time.


I try getting help, but no help is recieved…yeaaaah…let’s breath in a little more of that tasty carbon monoxide.

With sweat pouring down my back and this scraggly old man puffing smoke in my face…I was pretty much the most comfortable I could be…finally…YESSSS…BUS TO SINGAPORE.

I make sure it’s actually heading to Singapore…board that fucker, and take off…only to go around the block…and come back. WTF…I was all ready to go…what now. Well we comence another little wait…and wait…until finally…bus is full…time to go. Departure time 3:45pm…hmmm an hour 45 later…not bad.

After a long journey I arrive at the Malaysian border…walk in, get my passport stamped and walk out…only to find…the bus no where to be found. The five of us passengers wait and wait…hoping the driver just didn’t say…fuck them I got their money, time to get drunk…or something along those lines…anyway…lucky for us…he didn’t…he just got lost…hey buddy…aren’t you a BUS DRIVER…ya thanks…didn’t notice that you needed to know where you’re going.

We all hop on, and no more then five minutes down the road…Singapore customs…time to get out and get another stamp. This time I make sure I know where to meet the bus. Go in…meet a cute little Russian girlie, forget about filling out the entrance card, return to back of line…and finally exit the building…only, guess what I find?…no bus. Hmmmm…is this Deja Vu?


All the other passengers were from singapore…sooo you do the math…oh suck at math eh…well I’ll do it for ya…THE DRIVER FUCKING LEFT ME…ya guess he didn’t like my previous driver joke…anyway…takes me about half an hour of waiting befoe I realize…well…guess I need another ride into Singapore, lets ask around…someone is suuuuure to give me a lift.

Nope…no one will dig into their hearts and give a poor stranded Canadian a ride into Singapore…unless…I pay…two dollars…or…five Rupiah(Malaysian currency)…Oh good I have that…right? Hahaha…oh right…I thought I didn’t need that…uh…do you take cookies?


With no ATM around, and no cash in my wallet I’m screwed…no one will take someone without money.(also they don’t believe I have no money) I negotiate…I talk…I…beg…still nothing. Then an idea pops in my head…(nooo not “that” idea you sick mofo’s…damn you really should get urselves checked) What I had were some Canadian coins…maybe they’ll take that…phew…lucky for me…the guy likes the look of the Quarter and nickle…he lets me on….phew…close one.

At the train station I catch my second lucky break…the last train of the day. Who would have thought that leaving at 2pm I would be catching the last train of the day in Singapore.

Finally I arrive at my hostel…look down at my watch. 12:27am…hmmmm…leaves at 2pm arrives at 12:30…niiiiice 10 and a half hours…not that shabby.


Oh…should I point out…(commercial guy voice)

the length of a regular trip from KL to Singapore…5 hours.

Actual trip from KL to Singapore…10:30 hours

Getting left at Singapore customs…catching the last train of the day and hoping to find a place to stay at 12:30am…Priceless


There’s somethings that you just can’t control…for everything else there’s laughter.(End of commercial parody)

Now…I’m standing outside the hostel I wish to stay at, but there’s all these sings that read…”no rooms available after 11pm without email confirmation.” Great…just my luck…well*takes in breath*…….here goes nothing…I reach forward and ring the bell. London bridge is falling down rings over the speaker…hmmm nice tune…then………………………..silence………………………still silence……….finally….the door slowly creaks open…an old lady emerges from the darkness…she immediately asks if I have a booking…I reply no, but catch her with my explanation right before she closes the door.

I eventually convince her to give me a room and was that ever a relief. Yes she may have overcharged me, but hey…I was just glad I had a place to stay.


Next couple of days were spent killing time and trying not to kill the checkbook. I went on a few excursions, but nothing that exciting.

I was just counting down the days and hours until my flight…thinking of Singapore as…well…nothing….just a a plain city.

That is…until I met Johnny. A crazy, 10 year traveling, rambling, intense story teller, beer drinking average joe. This guy opened my eyes to soooooo much more of Singapore. Places and things I had no idea existed.

Sitting around watching good ol filmstrips to kill time and in waltzes this Dutch guy with a spring in his step and a story to tell. (His story always included something along the lines of how much he loved the city of Singapore) At first I thought this guy was absolutely fucking nuts…just spewing tons of shit. I would just think to myself…ya ok there you old cook…until he mentioned a cheap place to find beer…then I was all ears.

I tagged along to all these hidden parts of Singapore. Restaurants, shops, curry grinders and even the little beer halls.

freshly grinded curry

freshly grinded curry

After a few hours of walking around, I witnessed true, authentic, local Singapore. Complete with a crazy drunk guitar player. Turns out Johnny actually had some good stories to tell…guess traveling for 10 years could do that to you.

This guy was fucking nuts

This guy was fucking nuts

Finally, we ended the night drinking beer on the curb, shooting the shit with some locals, outside a large Chinese food cafe. Who would have thought.


Having such a great night of viewing Singapore from competely new angles, I decided to go on the 11km rainforest walk the next day.


Great day for a walk, a view and to lose ones self in the heart of Singapore. Stretching as far as the eye could see, was this enormous protected rain forest. Ya…the heart of Singapore has a fucking rainforest…what the deuce.

Looks like good ol Johnny boy pulled out all the stops…even though he began ranting about Thai “Girlfriends”


I was able to see monkeys, snakes and even weird lizards, while still being able to walk around a corner and see the outlines of a skyscraper.


I had my eyes opened to a different and new world within the cracks and gulleys of a massive clean and modern city called Singapore. Glad I rolled the dice.


South East Asia…check

Experiences…A plenty

Things I’ll miss…drinking in a park, beer in hand walking down the street, cheap noodle dishes, hotel rooms at practically no cost and of course…drinking on the corner of a street.

Next stop…Darwin, Australia…the heat…the land down under…the bevy of adventures waiting to happen.

Shit…I’m gonna need some money soon.

Balling in Bali

Posted in South East Asia on January 6, 2009 by bobbyvanilla

A trip that wasn’t even planned…just an idea, a plan and a small magical concoction later…AWESOMENESS SUPREME DREAM.

Now entering…Bali, Indonesia.


Flying into Bali was one of the most beautiful views I’ve witnessed whilst landing. Pristine water on either side, overlooking the white beach below and emerald topped palm trees glistening in the sun…what a wonderful start.

Of course, the fuzzy effect of being in Bali soon wore off as I was quickly scammed by the taxi driver, but fuck it, I’m not letting him ruin my trip…now time to find a place to stay.


Hmmm…a little easier said then done my friends. I soon found out, the only places available were the biggest shittiest shits I’ve ever seen. Hmmm I’m sure there’s something nearby.

Well…about 45 minutes in, just another treat to deal with…RAIN. Ahhh, thanks there weatherman, the fucking rain. Good thing I was still in high spirits.

Before long, three hours had passed and still…NOTHING. I was getting slightly worried. I’m drenched, I’m a little hungry and I’m homeless…a very proper combination.

Guess it’s time to bring out the check book *whips out skimpy wallet* ahh yes time to find me a big expensive, ritzy ass palace, because, well naturally, no one wants to pay those prices…so they can’t be full right?…hahaha WRONG sucka.

Luckily, juuuust before I’m about to shell out a months worth of travel on a big swanky hanky place, I stumbled on a little hole in the wall…literally, it was a hole in the wall.


But, for only 7 dollars a night, and the only downside is…bathroom’s kinda shit, whole room smells of piss…but, hey the fan’s new…that’s a plus…fuck it…I’LL TAKE IT.

Yesss…finally settled, time to dry myself off, so I¬†slowly unzip my bag…only to be greeted…by a brown toothy grin from a lovely little cockroach…Heeeeey buuuuddy…fuck you…you little bastard, as I swat him away.(funny thing, I never saw where he went or whatever…sooo…could still be in my bag hidding for all I know…niiiice)

With the rain not subsiding I decided to be one of the few to walk the streets of Kuta, Bali.(also I didn’t have the availability of room service…go figure right)

Trudging through all the hecklers and hawkers, I was able to find this quaint little restaurant. The server at the front didn’t speak a lick of english, so when I asked about prices she just stared. Right before I begin to walk away,however, the owner catches my attetion when he yells out everything 20% off and my first drink free…well…hehehe…you’ve got a costumer.

streets of Bali New Years

streets of Bali New Years

I end up shooting the shit with the owner the whole night, who turns out to be an ex Carnival Cruise Lines¬†bartender.¬† After many stories and free drinks I¬†stagger off to the clubs, but not before the owner lets me know about the drink specials for the next night…well…looks like I’ve got my pre drinks organized.

The clubs in Bali are excellent. Similar to any world class venues I’ve been to. A little too much old house, but some good DJ’s, good size dancefloors and a shitload of people…still we’ll get into the clubs later.

Before I get into the New Years Eve happenings, I’ll touch on Bali its self.¬†


A beautiful little island that has a vast array of sights. You can be in the populized centre of Kuta, Legion and Seminyak¬†where everything is buzzing with cars, people and big name resorts. Or you can get to outer regions of the island where it’s much quieter and secluded(Gilli Islands I hear are amazing) I myself, chose the party area…so¬†tons of¬†cars, massive amounts of pests selling you shit and the huge clubs was my neck of the woods. I would’ve prefered a little quieter of an area, but, litterally, beggars can’t be choosers.

One thing I liked…food was reasonably cheap, there were movies playing every night, the beach was close and there was surf.


Now…the moment you’ve all been waiting for…or if not…well…then…uh…you suck…you stinky breath.



Breaking in the new year with something special. Definitely my best New Years to date, but still…(that’s not saying much)…lets begin.

To get my “real” drink on…I head to the nice bar/restaurant…Bali Rama, where I know the owner from the night before. Right off the bat…hands me a huge drink full of Arak(the 50% bali alcohol)…pound that back…let the party begin.

Somewhere in the mix of these drinks, I shoot the owner an idea…how bout you let me help you get customers…he agrees, so I begin my job to pull in customers, by offering free drinks and hoping they buy another. Pretty easy you may think…well…no one wants free shots…and I mean…NO ONE. Turns out people don’t seem to trust a white guy in Bali, giving away something free.

My New Years Bali bartending job

My New Years Bali bartending job

Well, my gift of the gab wouldn’t let me not sell one drink, so finally I’m able to wheel some people in and mix them up some drinks. Then before I know it…I’m selling/giving drinks away left and right…almost faster then I can put my free ones away…ALMOST.

Finally, after three hours of bartending, making friends with people from the street, the restaurant and a couple waitresses down the street;) its off to the main event.


This main event was at the club called Bounty…I rolled up and exploded into that place, just like Jack Nicholson in the Shinning.

heeere's Johnny

heeere's Johnny

The place was packed…drinks, hats,¬†streamers, buzzers, chicks, tities…everywhere…and it wasn’t even 12. I began my usual shenanigans of talking to everyone nearby, stealing drinks and accidentally elbowing some chick in the face.


Best joke of the night…was to three girls…a brunette, a blonde and an asian. The three of them are standing there just slowly sipping their drinks…when lo and behold, I gallop up and say…”Wow…the charlies angels” as I strike a Charlie Angels type pose. I get a chuckle from the blonde and the asian, buuuut the Drew Barimore of the group…FWAP…drop kicks me in the chest…well…not really, but it sounds better.

Soon, I’ve met a German chick, a Swedish chick, a British Chick, a Hollondaise(sounds good so I’ll go with it)chick and some nasty Irish chick as finish the international buffet of mouths, thinking, I just enjoyed a good ol…new years make out…but hold on a sec there shooter…it’s not 12 yet…oh no…10…9…8…shit…7…where the fuck is a chick…6…5…uh gross…dude…another dude…fattie…4…3…nothing…2…1….Happy New Year Bitches. Ahhh alas, the new year countdown has come and gone and I’m the greedy one, holding his dick in his hand sitting in the corner.(not literally like that…geeez…sometimes you take me too seriously)


Then…it was back to partying for a couple more hours…but still I wondered…is that the biggest makeout point of the whole year? hmmm…and guess what folks…if it is…this may come as a shocker…but ya…never could enjoy that glory…once again…foiled by the chodey left brain.

Anyway…soon, the club starts pilling out for the firework show. So I head to the beach, grab a road beer and commence the spectacle of fireworks. Pretty great actually, drinking a beer, on the beach, watching fireworks and bringing in the blissful new year…definitely a time for reflection.

Now time to make my way through this horrendous traffic back to the shanty….


During the slow haul back…I spot an opening…therefore I make a gallant effort to squeeze in…unfortunately…so does some girl on her moped….SPLAT…lucky for me it was only the hip/lower leg…MASSIVE CHARLIE HORSE.

Hahaha…the chicks face was priceless, as it was a mix of shock, fear, anger and anything else if you’d have hit somebody.

too good a picture to pass up

too good a picture to pass up

Then I gathered up my things and limped back to my room…waking up the next day like I had been running all night(hmmm)

After a day of re-coup it was time to do something with a rush, slightly dangerous to the body, water related, and brand new…and no…not the underwater sex routine…even tho I hear its a treat. What I’m talking about folks…is SURFING.

I took a full day surfing lesson and…fuck ya…it was intense, and awesome, all at the same time. Best part…me and pretty much all chicks:D


After learning the basics…it was time to hit the waves dudes…and at the beggining…that’s exactly what I did.¬†Faceplant here, belly flop there…yup just being my good ol kutzy self. But soon enough…pay dirt mothabitches. I completed my first standing surf, then completed my second, third…hey I’m starting to get a hang of….SPLASH. Boy when people say surfing is addicting, yup they’re absolutely correct.


The feeling you get when you’re ontop of the water, with a wave pushing you for momentum is thrilling and rushing all at the same time. Once you get off, you just want to get right back on and go again. Fucking sweetness supreme.

Now…the afternoon class…


After having such a great first introduction to surfing I thought I’d take the advanced lesson and see if I could ride bigger waves, learn to turn, and get better. Turns out the only thing that got bigger and better were the waves. YEAH…time to get analy raped by massive waves…fun timez.

Pretty much for the next three hours I was the bitch of the ocean. I got dragged, drenched, douched, splashed, slamed, sloshed and almost any other wet verb for description…ya that¬†happened. ¬†Still, I got up a handful of times and did some cool turns, but next time…I’m going to stick to the kiddie waves. Even with the poor after experience…I’m stoked to do it and get better when I’m in Oz.


Dragging my battered body back to the room, it was great to hit the bed, but, it wasn’t great to look over and see…that familiar…yellow…ooozing green, skanky brown colour looking thing…my friend…the cockroach.


Yup…perched right on my door. Lucky for me I chased the guy in between the door and squished him…HA HA HA HAAAAA…just so he wouldn’t crawl into my mouth at night. Good thing…this is my last night.


Good bye Bali…it was great to know you…and as an un planned plan, that turned into a great and grand adventure. Recomendation Granted. Now time to fight my way through Kuala Lumpur.