The Eye of the Hurricane

Welcome to Australia my friends…or the magical mythical land of Oz(ya I like that name better)

First stop on the next journey lag…Darwin. The ball sweat capital of the world…maybe not exactly, but this place reminds me of some epic proportion place of sweatiness.


Darwin is the hottest…humidifier of a place I’ve ever been. Immediately when I came outside the nice air conditioned airport, my pores began to cry stinky tears from every place imaginable.

This sweat bag of a city would continue, for the next few days.  I ventured all over seeing gardens, oceans and sunsets, then on returning I’d be soaked in sweat…a beautiful sight.


Then the skies opened up to cool this hellishly hot outer rimmed city…so I thought…time to move along. You know…go somewhere with none of this darn rain or anything resembling flooding…so then Cairns it is.

Of course…this city turned out to be the complete opposite, with torrential down pours, 188mm of gushing spraying super extreme flooding and to top it all off…a cyclone 50 km off the coast of Cairns. Hey, hey…at least this was the first ever tropical storm I’ve ever witnessed.


Since this was the craziest rain I’ve ever seen(with side rain just to fuck with you) I decided to go venture around and see what I could see. Turns out, what I ended up finding was…cars in water…water up to my knees…and being completely and utterly drenched. It was a fun first walk around.


Luckily…the day would not be a complete “wash”(hehehe nice pun eh) Turns out the hostel I was staying at, plans these huuuuuuge parties on Monday. Hence the name…Mad Monday. So we all get settled into pre-drinking…mmm…box of wine…and I decide it’d be a good idea not to eat anything…aaaaaaaaaaand awwaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go.


Let me break this down for you. You visit 5 bars, get free drinks, some free food, a t-shirt and tons of deals for 10 dollars. We get to the first bar…get our free pint of beer…feel good…time for some fucking drinking games. Quarters is the game that gets it going. I start taking people out…so naturally…I begin to beak…and then…yup…four full glasses later…definitely starting to feel it.

Next I decide it would be a good idea to go onstage and do a strip tease for this contest…pretty funny shit…but definitely not one of my prouder moments…prolly a video floating around on the internet somewhere too. Anyways…upwards and onwards my friends.

Next bar…THE TEAPOT of shots…ya drunkness of un-charted territories.


I end up having a shit show gong show wasted night…almost get into a fight(which I don’t remember), enter the bar’s kitchen and get a sandwich, then sometime during then and the next bar…get lost and wonder home. (Don’t remember what happened between that time)

The parts I do remember…getting back to the hostel…locked out…can’t seem to find an enterance…so what does the genius think would be a good idea…CLIMB THE FENCE BABY. I end up hopping this enormous metal fence by climbing a garbage can…cranking my knee and finally stumbling into bed.

The morning wake up…Boy do I feel like shit…must’ve been a good fucking night…don’t remember much…hmmm lets check the camera.


Go into my pants pockets…camera…check, keys…check, wallet….uh….wallet…WHAT THE FUCK. Immediately jump up…hangover gone…and of course…wallet gone. Yup…guess it was bound to happen…the crazy drunkiness of a night caught up with the ol boy and took away his trusty wallet, with 50 dollars in cash, Drivers license, student card, and a few others…but luckily…no “Important card” was lost. Ya its shitty, but hey…that’s life…live and learn motherbitches.

After feeling a little bummed about the lost wallet…I decided to shake my foundation…and how do you do something like that…test your limits…BUNGY JUMP TIME.


I would’ve never really done this, if not for another guy at the hostel mentioning it. But when he suggested it…I “jumped” at the opportunity.

This was thrilling, exhilarating, shaking, frightening and pant shitting all at the same time. I had so many emotions flowing through my body, I didn’t know what to do with them all.

I was like a big numbness ball of…um…numbiness???(don’t know how else to explain it)

Felt fine putting on the bungy cord and fine when I was sitting there, but then when I slowly walked to the edge…they tell you to put your toes over the lip…uh…ya… I think there’s a log in my pants.

One thing to note…this is the most “EXTREME” thing I’ve ever done.

Here’s the vid so you can check out what happened

A side note about the jump…Turns out I did it improperly. You’re supposed to jump face first as in a swan dive…ya I did the move called “The Elevator” Feet first and get rag dolled around…good times.

After the jump I was completely speechless. I tried to talk but nothing would come out. I just didn’t know what to say. I was fucking stoked, shocked, amazed, baffled, bamboozled and dumbfounded all at the same time. WOW RIGHT NOW THAT WAS AWESOME.


Next, it was off to chill out for the rest of the afternoon, so we drove down the beautiful Australian country side, full of fruits, trees and places called Edmonton and Innisfail…n ya they were pretty crappy places even here 😛


Soon enough we arrived at this little swimming hole. A natural waterslide, numerous waterfalls and tucked away in an Australian rainforest…made for a stunningly relaxing afternoon.


Next was one of the main reasons why I took scuba diving lessons…THE GREAT MOTHERFUCKING BARRIER REEF. I had to make sure I found the best deal available, then planned it all out and shwammy…time to explore the great barrier reef in an underaquatic experience that is out of this world.

Lucky for me I was the only certified diver on the boat taking a dive that day, so I got a little special attention and was able to explore the reef without much wait time. Now diving in Thailand was great, but diving here…superdazzling sugary goodness. It was as if I had dove into an enormous fish tank, as I could see for miles and the vast array of fish and coral was unbelivable.


I saw sharks, turtles, enormous fish the same size as me, tons of little nemo’s and coral upon fuzzy coral that is only specific to this part of the world. Again I can’t stress this enough…scuba diving is the best times you’ll ever have…unreal how close you can get to everything. Yes snorklings still fun, but can you follow a sea turtle around for 10 minutes while you’re snorkling…hmm…can you? YAAAAAAAA NO


After the great dive experience and meeting tons of people on the boat, I was invited to a pub crawl…and since I was jacked about the dive I thought…hell ya…lets do this shit…PARTY TIME…then the voice in my head…(think of a nerd with a quiet squeaky annoying voice)”Now don’t you go getting too drunk…remember what happened last time…you lost your wallet…hmmmm….will you like losing your passport?”

Shut the FUCK UP…I wanna have a good time…time to rock the house. So for the next eight hours, its food, drinks, girls, drinks, food, games, prizes, girls, dancing…fun timez. I end up playing a game called nutz and boltz, turns out I screw my big bolt into a tinny blondes nut…it was awesome. We were the first group to match up so we got the best prize. 50 dollars…SHAZAAAAM.

It was a great last night in Cairns…the parties were good, the free food was awesome and the bungy jump/scuba supreme…were to live and die for all at the same time…next up for me…one of the biggest party towns in Australia…Brisbane…or Brizzy as I hear other’s calling it. Hopefully I can make it down to Byron Bay for my Birthday…more ultimateness shall ensue.



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