Baffling Brisbane Part 1.5

The loud music Bringing the glory is blaring ahead…then slowly fizzles….everyone looks around thinking…WTF…who fucked up my jam…then they shrug and saunter off into the night to find the next shiny object to place their grimy hands on.

That was my week summed up in my language, and here’s what happened.

Work is now encapsulating my life. I wake up…walk fifteen minutes to work…put on my chodesized apron and commence yelling at people to buy shit…ahhhh…beautiful.

The best part of this, is that during the day, there are a bounty of beauties that swarm the stand at any given time. This is when I must be on top form as to not let these “special” opportunities pass.

sexy-8

Normally I spout some lame comment and might get a forced laugh…however, this week was different. I consciously made some adjustments and boom….like AIDS taking over an unsuspecting teenagers body…I was getting “the eyes” from everywhere.

Still…with this conscious change…there were a few things that changed along with it. I was no longer taking customer shit(like it should be)

For example, this fat minger orders a fattie type meal…so I oblige…because one its my job and two…she’s fat and needs to fucking eat. Anyway…she decides last minute that she doesn’t want the meal and walks away…uh…NO…I ain’t taking that shit…So I yell back at her….EH….LADY…LAAAAAAADY….*even louder yet* LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADY

fat_lady_eating_cake

She turns around…I nod my head like some bobblehead fuck…YA YOU…and motion her back over….she fatly scurries over to me…and with a red face the size of a roasted ham…answers…yeeeeeeeessss with some stuck up drawl.

ME: Ya…lady…your meal(I say condescendenly)
Chubby Chase: AH…yes….I don’t want it
ME: *slight chuckle thinking why she wouldn’t want food* Why’s that?
Bulbous Betty: Not enough for the price.
ME: Wow…is that so….well…I slap another piece of meat down…slop on some gravy…How bout now(I now stepped over the line, and I could tell by her face that, I possibly had some crazed look in my eye)
The Customer: NO THANK YOU….sticks up her piggly nose and walks away
ME: Hey…atleast I’ve got a free meal for lunch….yessssssss
BOSS: That’s coming out of your paycheck
ME: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

Aside from work…other parts of the week of basic nothingness…consists of a couple of firsts.

As you may or may not know…I’m currently camping out in a hostel, and can’t be bothered to look for a “real” place to live. This has its upsides…but has many glaring downsides as well.

The first lazerbeam of destruction would be sharing a room with 8 people…especially if one or a couple of those people decide sex inside the dorm room would be considered, “highly romantic”

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Don’t get me wrong…I love sex…but there sometime can be a line drawn…yes I’ve done some dirty things in my day…but still…fucking in a dorm room of 8…hmmmm…kinky?

Anyway…I’m trapped on the top bunk whilst two love birds make the animal with the two backs below me.

The slow rocking starts picking up speed…I imagine myself on some enormous rocking chair…then come the sounds….first small and quiet…then louder…a little louder…until the small yelps and rough grunts make some small musical uniscent.

mshatchair_gethep

The rocking…grunting…slapping…squishing…start lowing me into a trance and I fall asleep.

Damn who would have thought that a little sex rocking would put you to sleep quicker than counting sheep.

Then comes the morning cherish….fuck people…if you’re gonna bang that’s fine…but leave the tongue rubbing for another time…seriously…these people were exploring each others mucous members like they were gonna dissapear or some shit…oh well…I decided to have a little fun…BRING ON THE LEER.

annoyed

So I decide it would be humourous if I plant myself beside the two…commence a creepy stare…rub my hands together and go…YEEEEEAAAAAAH….in a really fucked up voice.

The results….success…the pair stop the olar fluid swapping and begin staring at me…whilst I continue to bob my head and rub my hands and go YEEEEEEAAAAAH all at the same time…I also had a small audience who started laughing…I’m now very proud of myself…consider myself the man and leave.

sha0060l

You know…when I first started to write about this past week I thought to myself…shit…there’s not much that I did that was of craziness value…but then I just started writing…and like a retard running into a wall…it starting making sense.

Next week…30 band concert…full of the likes of Nine inch Nails…Bloodhound gang…Alice in Chains…Lamb of God…Billy Talent…Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and more…looks like life may be taking an upward swing…

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One Response to “Baffling Brisbane Part 1.5”

  1. hahaha…glorious 😀

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