Baffling Brisbane .5

So I just got back from work…which was the shittiest…ugliest…most heart wrenching…vomit smelling day yet…and just had to unleash a bevy of writing…so enjoy my .5 version.

this is why soccer is bad

this is why soccer is bad

After a pretty chilled out Sunday evening…meeting some cool chicks…and telling a stupid drunk Irishman to “shut the fuck up” I was in pretty good spirits going to work early this morning.

Everything was leading up to be a great day…and then…SHE came.

Everyone has met someone like this during their life…you know…the person who thinks they’re better than you or just hasn’t had a proper fuck in awhile.

Well this Lady was prolly both…but she definitely tried acting better than me…and shit…as most of you know me…nobody’s better than me.

Not because I’m self centered, but because…human beings are equals……………….yeah…I know…that sounded fucking lame…alright…fine…rich people are better than everyone else…and Dick Cheney…well…let’s all just point and laugh.

cheney's dick

Anyway…I begin to serve the lady as I would serve anyone…THE SAME…except she feels I put too little avocado on her sandwich…soooo…I put a little more on…she then scoffs at me…I raise and eyebrow, but ignore her.

I begin finishing up her sandwich…to which she wants a little bit of salt and pepper…alright…I give one shake of salt…aaaaaand one shake of pepper…

“Uh…that’s waaaaaaaaaay to much pepper” she says, staring at me like I’m some kind of retard

It's wrong on so many levels...but its sooo right

It's wrong on so many levels...but its sooo right

“I gave it one shake…that’s as little as I could’ve put on” I respond…still slightly in control

“Well…that’s too much…I’m not eating that”

*rolls eyes*

I take a breath in…throw out all the toppings covered by “too much” pepper and start over…this time putting no pepper on.

She now wants the sandwich toasted…but buttered before I toast it.

I explain that I’m not going to do that because it messes up the toaster, I’ll just butter the bread after its toasted…it’l have the same effect

“I don’t care she says…I’ve asked for it so just do it”

I’m thinking of how much I would love to throw this sandwich in her face, but I refrain…butter one side of the bread and slap it in the toaster.

She yells at me to butter the other side too…holy fuck I think to myself…someones on a power trip…I pretend to butter the other side…hahaha…bitch

I now deliberately ignore her and serve four customers before going back to the sandwich. Everything is oozing out and it’s pretty burnt…I chuckle to myself amused at my work.

burntsandwich_full

I begin cutting…and she tells me to stop…”You’re not cutting it right she replies” Okaaaaay then…what’s the proper way? She tells me, so sheeeesh I do it. Give her the sandwich and give her the FUCK OFF look…she leaves…or so I thought.

Not even a minute passes by, when she returns and starts verbally harassing me about the sandwich…the cut job and how shitty I am at service…ahhhh…the monster inside me has now finally awoken from his slumber…I’m thinking…please continue just a little more…at least she was nice enough to oblige.

I pause…collect my thoughts and say.

“Oh is that so…well…you win some you lose some”

She does not get the joke

I decide to cut her off during her second round of verbal lashings to tell her “don’t bring your negative emotional baggage here”.

Then one of my employee’s seeing the redness building in the lady’s face…and probably the crazed look in my eyes, swooops in just before I bring a holocaust of emotional hurt on the lady.

05uglygirl

I decide I’d be the bigger person and walk away….buuuuut little miss…stick up her ass…decides to throw me a curve ball and say something as I’m leaving…I turn around, about to unload a shotgun, AK47 meets submachine gun on her ass…when I see my boss come around the corner.

Oh shit…I start to look busy.

He asks the slimy haired, lazy eyed…old man breath, beast of a woman what the problem is…she tells him….and now folks…I’m called into the little broom closet of a room for a “discussion”

Here he gives me the ol “sandwich effect” speech. If you don’t know what that is…its when you say something good the person is doing then something really shitty…but then end it with something half assed…supposedly it makes the person feel better…uh…fuck that

The speech sucks…so I turn him off…start thinking about the hot chick I was chatting with today…and just nod and smile.

asianbaseballchick

I do snap out of the trance however, when he mentions that its strike two for me.

WTF…where was strike one…was I looking the other way when the pitcher threw the first pitch? He tells me that I KNOW what it is and he’s not going to get into it…OOOOOOOKAAAAAAAY THEN.

Ya I have no idea what the fuck he’s talking about…so ya…the only thing I could think of, is me eating food around the place because one I’m hungry and two…well it’s there…so I kind of deserve it.

baseball_to_the_face

Finally…the days over…I’m feeling a little like burnt hair…in a turd…with slight diarrhea

So I decide to steal some cupcakes and eat my way to feeling better…riiiiiiiight.

Ahhhhhhh…isn’t life grand.

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One Response to “Baffling Brisbane .5”

  1. […] The World Tour of Life Changing Events from Beyond Time A Journey that transcends transcention « Baffling Brisbane .5 […]

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