Baffling Brisbane Part 2

Live music…hippies…moshing…drunkiness…three girls and their house…equals…a time to be remembered. Here is the week that was.

I’m Sunburnt, groggy, the voice is shot, feeling a little sore, always hungry, but feeling fucking good from the last couple of nights.


You probably all read my post on Monday about how I almost got fired, and if not here’s the link to check it out(link) so I’m not going to start from there…I’m moving from that night…forwards.

Monday night:

After the shitty day…I decided to get shittered, drink away the pain and hit on some chicks…always a good combination. The funniest part…we went to a hippie party.

So here I am…a little drunk…just being completely obnoxious because I want to be and yelling at people who go by…leering at cute girls and causing quite a scene. I decided it’d be funny to see what kind of fucked up shit I could say to chicks…turns out…anal beeds…crying whilst using my tears as lubricant as I masturbate, and fingering the hole of a meth addict prostitute can still turn into a proper conversation…yeah me.


Soon, the liquid speed isn’t rushing through my veins as much as I hoped, but it didn’t matter. I eye this cute little blonde hippie with dreadlocks and move in for the kill.

She’s got a great sense of humour, intellegent and actually entertaining…I’m happy so we have a very interesting conversation. As I’m listening to her…staring into her eyes…she must’ve put a spell on me or some shit…I go for the kiss…she turns her head almost 180 degrees…SPOOOF…I get a mouthful of dreads…mmmm…tastes gluey and waxy.


Turns out…she didn’t notice I was going to kiss her(just shows how smooth I am or perhaps I was a little more uncoordinated then usual) and wondered what I was doing to her hair. Oh, I reply, just wondering what kind of delicious chemicals are in your hair, as I start spitting like I’m trying to water the grass.

She thinks I’m funny, but I’ve had enough of this and decide its time to leave…I say my goodbyes while I prance off into the night…boy…I think hippie girls are hot…just as long as they shave…properly.

After a few uneventful days, we move into Friday. I’m just going out for a good night…chicks are starting to bore me with their in-coherent ramblings about hair products and other bullshit. Talking about my anal pubis isn’t having the same effect as it once did…now to see how many people I can piss off.


I see this very flamboyant shirt worn by a semi-obese chick. I roll up…

Me: Hey…the 70’s called they want their shirt back
Her: What?
Me: Ya that shirt looks like road kill…what’d you hit
Her: Fuck you…blah…blah…blah…ur ugly
Me: turn around laughing

Eventually…I meet up with these three chicks and have a great chat with them, specially since one of them is a cute, curly haired red head…geeez…I love red heads…maybe because they are ALWAYS….TROUBLE 😉


Anyway…the older chick of the group straight up asks me if I want to come back to theirs for drinks…(now you can’t look too desperate in these situations) So I reply…uhhh…I dunno…I’ve just met you girls….and I don’t want to be turned into a lamp.

They reassure me, pay for the cab, give me free booze and now I’m sitting on a couch surrounded by a brunette, a red head and a blonde…sounds like the beginning of a bad joke…or a good porn.

A side not: I have no idea where the fuck I am…its pissing rain…and I have no money…hmmm

A few drinks later, after getting slightly intemate with my target girl…the red head…she pulls the nicest move ever…no not a blow job…not getting her tits out…but…passes the fuck out….greeeeeaaaat…nicely done…fucking bitch is being selfish…well…time for me to share the wealth…so I do what I do best…make out with the next hottest chick. A 34 year old petite brunette. Alls good…then all of a sudden…the blonde is right up against me…grabbing my….DICK (WOW)

Now…I stop making out with the brunette and look at the blonde…yup…she wants to fuck…and here my friends is when my selfishness gets the better of me. Normally, this would be the IDEAL opportunity for a threesome, but either because I’m lame, or just over thought the process…I blow it with the brunette…but I still have the blonde…so alls good right? Hahaha…this is the smoothest guy in the world were talking about.

In door one…I could bang the blonde at the house and get her to drive me home, oooooorrrr door number two…we could go to the club, which is closer to my place, dance and bang her there then probably walk home.

So I chose door number two…great logic there…NAAAT. Eventually, the blonde chick bores me…so now my penis is soft…I don’t want to fuck…and just leave her there in the club…then walk home in the rain.

GREAT NIGHT…HIGH FIVE…hahaha…ahhhh…and that’s the joy of living my life.






A music festival of epic, deluxe, magnifying, jaw dropping, testicle shaking proportions.

30 bands

Including many up and comers, has beens and plain ol rockers…it was a festival that I took one look…and because of my sheer excitement…everyone in the room creamed their pants…ya…I have that effect on people.


With all the bands on the list, I chose the best of the best…the cream of the crop. It was hot, sweaty and a bag full of wonderfulness.

First band of the day…Goldfinger.


I remember them from Tony Hawks Pro Skater 2(or was it 3?) Superman was their big song…but the other songs they pumped out…pumped me up. Their first concert in 3 years…didn’t dissapoint. Not only did the lead singer surf across the crowd…he punched some dude in the face…then made the crowd do the wall of death…I got squished by a fattie.

Next was supposed to be Less Than Jake, buuuut the guitarist forgot his guitars…sooo…no show. Therefore I met up with some friends at Finch, but stopped along the way to listen to Riverboat Gamblers…which I really enjoyed(the lead singer jumped into a tree then fell out…while still singing)

Then Watched some of Silverstein, but unfortunately missed Attack in Black and Moneen because of it…not too upset, because Silverstein played some kick ass riffs.


Still up to this moment…Goldfinger was leading the way…we then headed off to the big stages to hear Anberlin…then a band I really want to see The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

I was stoked that these guys were playing. I love their style of music and fast guitar playing, so I convinced my friends to stay and listen…buuuut…they dissapointed. Not sure if it was completely their fault of the sound guys…but it was very quiet and mushy sounding. Since it wasn’t turning out so good I decided to yell at girls to “SHOW ME YOUR TITTIES!”…they wouldn’t…but one chick told me to show her my nuts…bad idea girl…not only do I get my beautiful nuts out, but so do my other friends…hahaha…those fucking chicks weren’t ready to get testicalcized…sooo it wasn’t a complete loss, but I hope I’ll hear RJA do a better job another time.

Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Next, Dillinger Escape plan, who played pretty conservatively, but was still enjoying to listen to. And finally a band I’ve wanted to see for a LONG FUCKING TIME…



and to think I thought they were all dead, face down in a pool of their own vomit and sweat. They haven’t played since 2005/06 after the release of Hefty Fine

Therefore they did fuck up a few times…but turned it funny as they started harassing one another. The bass guitarist even kicked one of the dudes in the balls.

Finally when they started going…I got right into the mosh, almost dying during the process…got my shirt ripped…eye gouged, head kicked, almost trampled some dude and still was able to film Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo…which spells FUCK…just for you retards out there.

Bloodhound gang was in a league of their own. Yes they were rough around the edges, but anyone who can turn FUCK into a song, is a winner in my books.

But hold up bitches and gentleman…were not done there. Next was Billy Talent…who always bring the rock…and from which I escaped…I returned once again, to the raging, moshing, inferno of sweatiness, with a side of destruction and doomtastic adventures.


After slamming around like a pin ball for Riverbelow, Falling leaves, and the Ex I was dead…I slimed my way through the crowd and collapsed on the grass. I guess, no food, and spending all your money on booze is not a great idea.

There I lay on the grass…shirt drenched from sweat…sun beating down against me, Billy Talent raging in the background, all in Brisbane Australia…living every minute to its fullest.


The darkness slowly started blanketing the RNA showgrounds, Billy Talent finished their set, proving once again that they are a supreme band to be reckoned with. They were the best sounding live band up to that point. Yes Bloodhound was amazing…but Talent…was talented.

I decided to get off the ground and moved up to the stands. From here I sat and listened to Alice in Chains…who were also a tasty treat to see live. I really liked the guitarist and their light show. I didn’t know many of their songs, but will be putting them on my Ipod.

Alice in Chains

Alice in Chains

Buuuut after a few slow songs I moved onto stage three to see New Found Glory…then back to the main stage to see Nine Inch Nails.

I know only two songs by NIN, but hearing nothing but good things about their live shows…I can finally agree…they are a band needed to see live. From weird sound effects, to the lights, smoke and small xylophone being played…an overall experience in itself.

The lights and sounds of NIN

The lights and sounds of NIN

It was strange though, that as the big name bands started coming out…the louder it got. Earlier in the day, you could have a full conversation in the pit full of people…later that day…you couldn’t hear yourself piss in the bathroom.

To round off the night, I saw a few songs by Alkaline Trio, In Flames, and Lamb of God.


Lamb of God is heavy as fuck, with sweet guitar, bass and drums, but the lead singer, holy fuck…he actually talks like he sings…A DEMON. You can hardly take that shit seriously.

Only bands worthwhile that I missed, Face to Face, 36 crazy fists and Bedouin Soundclash.

For being to only 4 concerts in my life…this one rocked my reality. A furry of all types of music, people flying all over the place…aaaaand soooo many hotties walking around.


I hope that Canada will take some pages from the Australian live music book and get a festival close to where I live going.

Time to load up the Camelbak with some Herman Hell mix and let loose.


5 Responses to “Baffling Brisbane Part 2”

  1. awesome right up man!

  2. awesome write up man!*

  3. FUCK yeah!

  4. Rochelle Says:

    bc has pemberton which is sweet, but it wont be until next year

  5. A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment.
    I do believe that you should publish more about this topic, it might not be a taboo matter
    but usually folks don’t talk about these subjects.
    To the next! Kind regards!!

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