Baffling Brisbane~The Finaly

God I love that song…funny as hell…and a great line to use when chatting up the ladies…buuuut I digress.

This last week, has been something of…interesting perportions. I decided to be a “good guy” and therefore gave my job two weeks notice on when I was leaving. Guess how those Venerial Diseased former USSR Slovakian vaginally challenged prostitutes repaid me?

Could you take a guess?

Well…since you can’t…I’ll fill you in. THEY FUCKED ME…but not in the good sense of the word.

I thought I’d get a few more shifts before I took off…buuuuuuut nooooooo. They just phoned me up the day before and said

“Uh….ya….we don’t need you to come in this week…mmmmkaaay…ya thanks”

Hows the TPS Reports looking

Hows the TPS Reports looking

 

*mumbling under breath* fuckers

So fuck it right…time to get down to real business…

THE HAIR

For those of you that have seen my previous devilish concoction of hair that destroyed villages and salvaged the cult…then u’ll know how fast and crazy my hair can get. Those of you that don’t know…well…shit…get with the program.

Anyway, my hair was again on its growing path of cataclysmic destruction and I thought…damn…I’m just gonna shave my head. But then a friend here in Brisbane mentioned a small dare…”How bout the reverse mowhawk”

Since I’m not one to turn down a challenge…specially if the gratuitous is a free drink…I oblidged.

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I grabbed a razor and put the nice loooong strip right down the middle. Personally…it didn’t stand out all that much, and chicks seemed to like running their fingers down the middle…well…that was until I said this.

*Chick running fingers down the middle of my head*
ME You keep running your fingers there I’m going to be running my fingers somewhere else…*eyes move below belt*
Chick *Standing there looking aghast*
ME I just jizzed in my pants

Don't tell your friends or I'll say ur a slut

Don't tell your friends or I'll say ur a slut

Now any normal, or sane person would stop there. Cut their hair weird once and say…alright George, I’ve got my free drink, time to shave the rest off.

Me on the other hand…don’t know anyone named George, so the next afternoon, when I was bored off my chops…I did this.

Hey…I never said I was sane.

the bowhawk

the bowhawk

And damn…did it ever get some looks.

Mostly the comments were along the lines of…

“The Flock of Seagulls called…they want their hair back”
“You look like shit covered with two pieces of hair”
“Get away from me creep”

Oh wait…that was a different night.

Funny enough…I ended up meeting a fucking minx of a chick. A reaaaaaaal F…R…E…A…K

All started by me just standing there chatting, when this devilish blonde runs up…grabs my bowhawk and says she loves my hair and wants a picture.

Me being my pure gentleman’s self…proclaimed, that she could…along the lines that I don’t give me services for free and a makeout was in order….BAAAAAAAAM.

Fast forward after the parts of her biting, clawing, scratching, pulling and numerous other verbal vobatums.

I attempt…BATHROOM PULL NUMERO QUATRE

Aaaaaaaaaand again…bouncer chode ends up blocking my way to glory…fuuuuuuuuuuuckity fuckity…all I want is Giggity giggity 😦

Unfortunately…the chick finds that was enough fun for her tonight…and like most ADD club girls, bounds off to find the next shiny penis to play with.

With only two days left, I was determined to squish as much fun into it as possible. Does that always happen? Well no, but it’s the attempt that matters. Therefore after a cool little australian BBQ…man I love these things, I planned to attend a FOAM PARTY

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Never been to one of these bad boys, so thought…fuck, this should be pretty sweet. Turns out…yes…wet boobs and ass are fun…unless all the boobs and ass are guys.

Still, I love the concept and had a good little dance off in the foam, buuuut then noticed the creepy Party Boy wannabe in a man thong…not the most attractive sight.

*shakes head* Just WTF

*shakes head* Just WTF

Finally…my last day in Brisbane.

It’s been crazy thinking how the month and a half has already passed in this glorific city.  From traveler to sandwich master, Brisbane had a hoast of adventures. I met some awesome people and love the clubbing life that surrounds the city. Therefore, my last day in Brisbane…has to be some spectacular adventure that would put oompa loompa’s in their place.

Soooo…lots of booze, an awesome group of players and tons of hot girls…yes…lets see what will happen shall we.

The Normanby is the place of destruction. After a little pre drinking at a friends house we all head into the stomping ground. I sneak in two extra beers, but after finishing my first, and popping open the second, I get caught. Luckily I’ve had enough of this liquidy goodness to dissapear into the shadows without any concequences.

The Brew Crew

The Brew Crew

After being a complete douchebag for a couple hours, I chilled down…slightly and started up with another group of chicks. I wasn’t really expecting much from it, basically was just helping out a friend get the hottie of the group, but as it turns out. We all end up bouncing from the Norms to the major old school deluxe casino in the city. Pretty cool, cus I’d never had gone otherwise.

I’m not much of a gambler cus I get pillaged at the casino’s all the time…literally…the pit bosses see me come in, sit me down at the table…turn me upside down and rake in all my money…not that fun…unless you like the head rush.

Anyway, all we end up doing is playing a few pokies, drinking these girly ass drinks called daqueries or eating out a plastic malibu stacey doll…whatever…all the same, then just shooting the shit.

After a few of these hellishly terrible drinks, the girls invite us over to their place for a dip in their pool. My buddy declines, but I’m all for it. Hell ya…last night in Brisbane, get to swim in a pool at 3am…good times bitches.

So I take the looooooooooong drive out past my previous longest drive to nowhere…realizing again…fuuuuck…there’s no way I’m going to be able to walk back from this shit hole. Get to their place…of course don’t pay for the cab, oh…well I gave them a piece of gum for the compensation…I’m a nice guy.

The two girls and myself, get to their pool, strip down…plunge in and immediately I realize its alot fucking colder then I thought. My pork steeple and two bells, felt that chilled liquid and ran to the hills as if being chased by genital warts. After that quick freeze fuck, it was time to warm up and select sleeping arrangements. I end up by passing the whoredar, by telling my target chick that she should show me her posters…works like a charm.

Unfortunately for me, after warming up from that chilled destruction of doom…she drops the bomb of bombs….I’M A VIRGIN……….*buldging eyes* Shit….WHAT?

Anyway…secret ops with invisability cloaks could not have snuck into that pussy…it was on complete lock down. I did try sneaking the forces around the back, but still, it was like picking off mexicans trying to cross illegaly in the US…complete and utter annihilation.

Still…got her to drive me home in the morning…made it back before check out…only got bout two hours of sleep…and I’m still going. What a way to Baffle Brisbane.

Next up…Turbo girls and beaches….yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

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One Response to “Baffling Brisbane~The Finaly”

  1. hahaha…the bowhawk 😀

    keep us posted!

    M

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