Coffs is Drowning

Everyone’s probably heard this little rhyme diggly…”It’s raining it’s pouring the old man is snoring. He bumped his head on his bed and he won’t wake up in the morning”

Right…you’ve all heard that before…well then answer me this. Who the fuck is the old man?

Coffs Harbour. People have asked me, why the fuck are you going there? Well, I’m not really sure, but I heard there were awesome beaches and great surf. Mostly a bonus in anyones books.

As for all the awesomeness…uh…ya. Didn’t happen. The only awesomeness I received was…RAIN…FLOODS…and…MORE RAIN.

Funnily enough, I was able to make it down to the harbour…once, but after that one time, it was completely and utterly impassable.

isn't it beautiful

isn't it beautiful

After it was raining for a good three hours, it finally stopped. I thought, great, I’ll be able to make it over to McDonalds, use their free wireless internet and be able to give all the gracious bobby vanilla fans their weekly shot of my life.

So I began treking through the damp and wet town of Coffs to the only McDonalds. Unfortunately, the rain gods were only teasing me, because once I was too far away from anything, the heaven’s opened and unleashed a fury of little droplets that attacked every inch of my body.


In real terms that means…I got fucking drenched.

Finally, I squeezed myself into McDonalds, got out of the horrific rain storm from hell and plopped myself into a booth.

hmmm…now I need to find myself a plug in. I look around and realize they are all taken up by a european style outlet plug in thingy. Allllright. I go over and ask if I can plug into one of the plug ins. They look at me and start talking to eachother in French basically calling me a douchebag idiot.

Well….yes I am, but stilll…Fuck you. Guess they didn’t know I spoke French, but they sure found out when I started walking away and turned back. I dropped this beauty.

(in french) “No wonder, you’re some of the most hated in the world”

Side note: I think they took that personally as when they left they all flipped me off. Woooo scary.*waving hands around acting scared*

Anyway, turns out…free wifi doesn’t work. Great, just my fucking luck. Therefore I decide it’d be best to go watch a fucking movie.

I jet across the hellish stormy rain into the theater, get there just in time to watch Duplicity and feel pretty good.

Best part. They stop the movie and this lady waltzes in and says. “Um, ya so our entire parking lot is flooded and your cars might all be in water. If you can…we suggest you move them”


People rush out…I begin to laugh. Hahahaha that’s why you walk…bitches.

After the movie that’s just what I did. Pissing down like the morning after a huuge drinking bingefest, I begin rocking out to the music on my Ipod.

Finally I arrive back at the hostel, thinking I’m going to be nice and safe from all this rain…boy was I wrong.

It just kept coming down….drop after drop after drop. For three hours we gained 450 mm of rain. Here’s the breakdown.


Playing cards in the kitchen I watched as the pool outside overflowed.

The water rose to the edge of the doors.

The water starting to spill into the kitchen

The staff placed blankets and other shit to stop the water spilling in.

The water started spilling in sooo fast that it pushed away the measly blankets.


The water is getting up to my feet.

The water is now past my ankles…brrr…its fucking cold.

Quickly the entire first floor was flooded with water.

The water was up to three quarters of your leg. People’s flip flops were floating down the hallway and I was offering free topless swimming lessons down the hallway….Unfortunately no takers.


I just loved the people freaking out, losing their minds saying things like, “I did not see this happing”, “How could I’ve known this” “why did I come here”, blah blah, fuckity blah.

Well guess what, Ya I saw this happening, I knew it was gonna be like this, and that’s why I came. Geeez…just shut the fuck up and enjoy it. (Oh I guess it also helped that I was on the second floor)

Still how could you not just laugh at this entire experience. It was priceless. I’ve never actually been in a flood so I loved it.

Well, I also ate my last happy cookie and that made the night all that much better 😀

Unfortunately, after the flooding all but dried, it did smell quite…fishy Also, everyone, but six moved away therefore, not too much to do, but drink and watch movies.

And that my friends…is Coffs Harbour…through my beautiful experience. You know, I somewhat wish it was sunny, but fuck, how many people can say they were in a hostel in Coffs Harbour where it flooded?


Ya well I guess a few people can put up their hands.


One Response to “Coffs is Drowning”

  1. hey man…haven’t been keeping up lately but just caught up now…but glad to see you’ve been up to no good, you make me proud. And I say you’re a liar b/c you have been in a “flood” and i only know this because the day i met you Cairns was flooded. Duh!!!!!!!!!! hope you’re well. miss you!

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