The Sydney Connundrum Part 1

I groan as I realize I haven’t got any sleep, begin to rub my eyes as they burn from the damn sunlight shining in the windows. I look outside, buildings begin to pass on by, more buildings, cars and people. Finally, the bus swerves over a hill and there blanketed against the horizon is the Sydney Harbour.


Red eyed, tired, and slightly dazed. I step off the bus, take one look around, grab my bag and commence on yet another journey. Astonishingly I feel…comfortably numb.

A relaxing week of mostly nothingness has thus resulted in me not finishing up this blog post due to…um…you know the feeling how you get fucking tired even though you haven’t done anything all day…ya…that.

Still I can’t complain, not having to rush off and do basically anything, does have its benefits Basically I can lay on the grass, on the beach maybe yell at some birds…ya the usual.

Yet, it makes life a little more exciting and adventurous if you do more than nothing. Therefore, I met up with some friends, went on a few strolls, visited nipple beach(world famous Bondi) and even rode a ferry or two.


Now let me just point this out. Sydney is a fucking big city. Maybe not in overall people size, but its spread outness size. Since the city is so exuberant in its space you’d think there would be a very intricate transport system reaching every area of the map in a timely fashion. (suppressed laughter) Yah…well…atleast they have a system right.

Still I was able to take in the Sydney Harbour and the Opera house with relative ease.


Oh shit…I need to go on a rant…there’s one place that kills me every time I hear it. It’s called circular quay. Now just let that sink in for a second. If you want, say it again, let it go on spin cycle through your brain. Alright, for those of you that speak Australian, then you know what it means and you can just…well…shut up, everyone else…you ready for a shock. Ok…its pronounced Circular KEY not QUAY…KEY…*shakes head*ya talk about the wrong place at the wrong time(editor comes over and whispers in my ear) Oh I guess that quote doesn’t work there.

Anyway, aside from names and prostitutes yelling at me asking if I think I’m better than them, the city is pretty fucking cool. You have numerous beaches, breathtaking views and always something to do.


Still a sandwich isn’t a sandwich without the magical taste of Miracle Whip and Bobby Vanilla isn’t Bobby Vanilla without falling in love…yet again. (it’s kinda like a passing faze, you know, like the flu or something.)

This time, it was this cute little Austrian with eyes that could cut to your soul, a smile that causes hundreds of shooting stars to blanket the sky all at once and a smooth tantalizing body that wars are fought over.

Ahem…sorry I blacked out what just happened…

Anyway aside from that shock to my soul there was many adventures to be had this week.

One shocking run in was when I came across a riot in downtown Sydney. Walking along trying to catch a bus I realize tons of police dressed in Riot gear. As I drew closer it was to my amazement that there were hundreds of Islamic people waving red flags and yelling derka derka muhamid ali and muhammad jihad and what not…*head in hands* sorry I know.


Anyway I waited around for a good fifteen minutes hoping there would be a full on 300esque battle, but alas, I was dejected and nothing happened.

My other totally unintentional run in was walking down the street by a huge movie theater and hearing all these screaming girls. After first thinking it was some hardcore orgy I realized it was a different scream of pleasure. It was the pre-screening of Fast and Furious. They had a full on red carpet, lights, cameras and stars…fucking attention whores I thought to myself as I pushed through a group of little kids.


Still the highlight of the week. EASTER.

Ahhh the joy of candy, chocolate and um…sugary crack. How can you not go ape shit about Easter?

After finally figuring out what day Easter was, the wheels were put in motion to organize an elaborate easter picnic. The results…an afternoon of easterific proportions.


The sun was shining the food was delicious and the chocolate…well shit if you don’t like chocolate take your hand, place your palm infront of your face and begin slamming it into your nose. I even got a Kinder Surprise…boy how can you not love Austrian girls.

Finally, Easter was wrapped up with an enormous drinking game. Yay pass out drunk.

Next week…being belligerent…walking…more girls aaaaaand….understanding the utter belief of the human psyque…well that last one can wait a little while longer.


One Response to “The Sydney Connundrum Part 1”

  1. hilarious – nice work.

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