The Sydney Connundrum a Wrap

Well shit me…why is the internet so slow in Australia? It’s fucked cus…well for one its a “Westernized” country and two…well…fucking get with it. Anyway, I’ve now found some fast internet and I’m pluggin this shit away faster than aids taking over your amune system.

So lets begin…

Whenever you’re about to leave one place it always happens where you try and cram as much fucking stuff into that week as humanly possible…this week was no different. I had first passed the weekend by attending a free music concert thing a ma jig called Surrey Hills Festival. Anytime somethings free in this age of coperate America bullshit its soooooo much better. This was the same. Tons of music…great food and numerous hotties running around that my attention could bounce from one thing to the next and keep me entertained for hours. I was happy.


I also ate this fucking delicious meal of Jamaican chicken called…wait for it…JERK chicken. Hahaha perfect, just my type of chicken. Now everyone knows that Bacon and Eggs are fucking delicious…but shazam…this started raping my tastebuds like something out of a skandonavian porn. To keep this short…the festival was pretty kickass and well worth the amount we paid…which was NOTHING…YESSSSSSS.

Finally, I met up with a guy I traveled Koh Tao and Koh Phangan with. He was off living in Manly and thought it would be good stuff to catch up. And yes it was…that was until we finished off a bottle of cheap Vodka. Now as I mentioned in the last post…I’m pretty confident in my drinking abilities…unfortunately…I guess I wasn’t what I thought I was. Boy oh Boy, the rush of drunkiness hit me like a fat chick giving you a hug…SLAPWHAMPAH. I was playing pool and all of a sudden I couldn’t see straight…hmm…time to go put water in my face.

I pass out in the bathroom…in walks the bouncer…


B: Oi…what’re you doing?
Me:*startled and wakes up* Ahem…uh…I was just…uh…doing my hair*look in the mirror and starts patting hair*
B: *looking at me like he doesn’t believe me*
Me: Oooops gotta go grab my pizza…bye bye

I walk out of the bathroom, the bouncer follows and watches as I fall around the place like a kid just learning to walk…looks like I’m gyaaane.
So he kicks me out, but fuck that shit I’m not leaving from this party, so I sneak back in through another way and re-commence the party with my buddy. Bout twenty minutes later, bouncer see’s me, I stupidly wave at him…and once again, I’m out on the street, this time for good.

Ahhh shit. Now I have to take the ferry back to the city and catch a train home. I don’t remember the ferry ride, but I do remember waiting for the train and a weird feeling started coming over me. I haven’t felt this feeling for like…two years…oh shit…here it comes….BRLARGHHHHHHAGHAGHAG. A jet stream of puke shoots out of my mouth faster than (actually I’m not gonna go there) Luckily it’s off to the side of the train track’s so no one notices…except one lady. Who’s staring at me with a look of discust mixed with horror. I look at her…smile and say…”ya just burped”.Then walk away like nothing happened. WIN BOBBY VANILLA

Now it’s time to get serious on the sightseeing. Me and this cutie that I met a couple days before decided it was a perfect day to explore the mythical land called THE BLUE MOUNTAINS. Unfortunately the mountains aren’t literally blue, but it leaves alot for the imagination.


This vast land of eppic proportions is very astounding. It’s basically Australia’s version of the Grand Canyon except with hords of trees, eerily flowing fog and these three mountain tips called…the three sisters. Why they called it that I have no fucking clue, cus I would’ve named it something awesome like…The three Rock Gods from Testosterone land, or…FUCK YOU THREE TIMES or because we must think of the kids…three times the charm. Anyway it’s named that for whatever reason and its actually pretty fucking sweet.


Breathtaking views blanket the panoramic sky as birds and small monkeys enjoy the curtain of trees below your very feet. Magical in all aspects, a deffinite must on any trip. Just DON’T TAKE THE TOURS. Take the train, costs bout $17 and you can walk everywhere very easily. Don’t be duped by the MAN.

Lastly I wrapped up Sydney with a BANG. Partying with a crew of ladykillers, watching a friend flip out and punch the door of a cab as it drove by and even bending over a cutie inside a McDonalds. Still, the last night when I pulled a 29 year old Russian, who was also an English Proffessor at some big ass University in Holland…well ya that pretty much takes the cake. Especially since I needed to wake up early to catch my flight to Melbourne…mmm, I love no sleep.


Finally, I just want to thank all those of you who showed me around and gave me such a great time in Sydney. You know who you are…so I don’t need to mention you…unless of course you want me to…which I know you do. So Rosemary, Joelle, Jamie, Vampire Girl and anyone else I forgot. Thanks and Keep on rocking in the Corperate America World


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