Ending New Zealand with a…smell?

So since this is like almost two weeks old when I’m FINALLY getting around to filling in my faithful readers on the last of New Zealand does that mean I’ve been procrastinating…even if for one week there was no internet connection? I’m curious. Mostly because I don’t know the specific definition of procrastinating, other than putting things off. Hmmmm, I wonder what wiki has to say on it:

“Procrastination is a behavior which is characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. Psychologists often cite procrastination as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision. [1] Psychology researchers also have three criteria they use to categorize procrastination. For a behavior to be classified as procrastination, it must be counterproductive, needless, and delaying.[2]”

Uh…anyone get that? Yeah me neither…please Billy, no jibberish at the table tonight.

Righto, this is my last of the lucious land of New Zealand.

Now people had explained to me that a town I was to visit…kinda smelled. Well actually, the day I arrived, it wasn’t that bad. I was slightly disappointing. Still, with a name of Rotorua, you don’t raise the bar just yet. Luckily I was going to get my fair share of stink in the following couple of days.

She's gonna blooooow

She's gonna blooooow

Most people would have no idea what this town is all about, so here, being the kind and considerate guy that I am, I’ll fill ya in. This town is located directly on active Volcanic grounds. Geysers are popping up all over the place more than a teenagers acne. Hot pools and boiling sulfur waters are bound to be spotted just by walking a few minutes in any direction, but to see the good stuff. You need to drive…and pay.


So taking the *shudder* dreaded tour, I rock up to a place covered with hot pools, bubbling shit ponds and lots of stinky ass gasses. *In hales deeply* Ahhhhhhhh fart smelling air. Aside from the smells, this place was very pictury.


Tons of interestingly coloured pools blanketed the surrounding area, smoke rising all around and there was even an cavern that housed tiny trolls and people too ugly to live in the town…oh wait, that was…uh…nothing. Anyway, this place was extremely picturesque and something the likes which I had never seen…or smelled. Therefore, even though I do hate tours and think that they charge a hell of a lot for very little, this shin dig wasn’t too shabby.


As for the town its self. Not much to do, but you can walk for hours on end, exploring all these smaller geysers that surround the town. Also there’s some interesting hiking trails and if you’re into horses, well you can ride those bitches too.


My one interesting run in during my time in Rotorua was after I used the toilet. Ok its not starting out great, but just hear me out. So the hostel I was staying at was a pretty large dump. Cheapest one in the ol Rot, but cheap because it cut many corners. One of these was not putting soap in the toilet’s. Thing is, they kept dish soap in the kitchen…soooo after doing what you do in the toilet, I walked into the kitchen and used the dish soap to wash my hands.

As I’m doing this, some old guy who’s working away at his dinner says something to me. I don’t hear what he says, so I ask him to repeat. Again I don’t understand, so I look at him and give him the universal sign for What The Fuck are you saying. He speaks up this time and gives me this one.

Oldie: You just use the pisser?
Me: *slightly chuckling* Yup
Oldie: That’s fucking disgusting, people eat in here
Me: *silence*
Oldie: *continuing* Probably had ur hand all over your dick and now ur getting ur dick hands all over places where people eat, that’s what the fucking basins out side are for
Me: *calmly but sharply*Well when they put soap out there, let me know. *give him a nod of the head and walk away*
Oldie: *whispers under breath* Jackass

Ahhh the joys of people you get to meet along the way, specially when they’re some frustrated old coot who probably hasn’t been laid in awhile


…buuut I digress. Let the pictures show how neat Rotorua and the surrounding area is, also for LOR nerds, the location they used to film Mordor…very close by.

Unfortunately, I know how much you guys wanted to smell what Rotorua was like, but for some reason, my computer doesn’t seem to want to take smell samples, soooo I’m going to have to ask you guys to use your imagination again *hears groans* HEY!…Imagination is an awesome tool when used appropriately…and when used…inappropriately…well…he he…that’s when the magic happens. Alright…imaginations ready…okay picture the smells of sulfur mixed with a burnt mexican chili buritoe from Taco Bell and the farts you get after eating one too many egg salad sandwiches. Yup that’d about win it right there.


With my last few days in New Zealand, I made my way to the big city of Auckland. Weather was finally starting to sort its shit out and the vast array of hotties that graced my eyes were very promising. Being New Zealand’s largest city with a million and a half people, its layout is hassle free and getting around, peace of cake. Again, its only a million and a half people, so there’s a few crowds but nothing much.


The best part of the stay in Auckland…the dorm room. 6 beds, 4 chicks, me and some Israeli dude. The low down on the chicks were as follows…three germans and one Chek chick, three blondes one brunette. Liking my odds. The one thing I hate though when ur travelling, is when you come across a say 3 or more people who are from the same country, but don’t ever bother speaking english. Their in this little clicky non english speaking group and I rock in, say something and they all kind of stare at me then continue talking in their language. Pfff, what is that shit. Anyway, if you don’t see where I’m going with this, that’s what exactly happened. I rock into the room, three of these beauty german chicks are chatting away I go “yo whad up guys”, they stop talking, look at me, I look at them…then they continue speaking German…RIGHTO.


All in all, Auckland is a cool New Zealand city, but still a big city non the less. Kinda reminded me a little of Calgary and Brisbane, but with a chilly twist.

Now, time to get out of the cold and into the heat…FIIIIIIIIIIIIIJIIIIIII.


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