Archive for the Uncategorized Category

My Day of SIN

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on July 1, 2009 by bobbyvanilla

Geeeez…taking me long enough to finally get around to this shit. Well enough of me trying to make excuses for why it takes so long. Here’s the FINAL…LAST EPISODE OF TRAVELS…(please cue dramatic music….NOW)

My original plan of the trip was to spend a few days in the city of Sin…maybe win a little black jack, explore some of the greatest nightlife around and have a good time. Unfortunately with the money dwindling, and the thoughts of having a blast with a huge group, I decided to shuffle the plans and just spend one day.


You’d think having traveled to some far out reaches of the planet, experiencing sweltering heats of un-pronounced proportions that I’d be a little aware of what to wear. Unfortunately I took one look outside the Las Vegas airport, saw it was cloudy and assumed it was cool. So I brought a sweatshirt…hmmm…desert, usually hot all year round…yeah…not a good idea.

As I’m sweating my balls off walking down the streets of Vegas, I’m baraged by numerous hooker fliers, free VIP entrances and…a discount ticket to Circus Circus…hey…isn’t Circus Circus discount enough?

Probably one of the coolest places I entered was the M&M museum/store. It had huuuuuge amounts of M&M’s. All different colours shapes, styles. You name it they had it…well sorry…no crack M&M’s.


Having just finished reading the book “bringing down the house” which was based on the film 21 I thought…you know what, I’m gonna try my luck with some good ol fashion black jack. Also with my newly read skills…I’m sure to make a shit load of cash riiight? WRONG. I ended up loosing 40 bucks….fuck you casino.


After loosing my money at the bellagio, I made my way to watch the sweet water fountain show thingy. Unfortunately I only got to see a good 40 seconds before it was over…so yeah…no pictures.

With my time in Vegas dwindling…I made the best of it…chatting with a few, catching the eyes of others and basically just basking in the sheer glory of the place. Damn…I need to come back and have a shit show time here.


As I made my way back to the hotel, hoping on a free MGM airport shuttle, I couldn’t believe that in just a few hours I’d finally be home. Just like that, like a snap of the fingers pooof 10 months is gone. Back to the real world bitches and with that…real world problems…situations and whatever people do in the real world.


Writting this, I’m already thinking of my next journey on where I want to go, what I want to see and do. Fuck, traveling is just the best shit ever. But remember…don’t travel too long, because traveling is like chewing gum. You chew too long and it looses its taste, but if you throw it out at the right time…mmm mmm mmm bitches, ur good to go.

To everyone I met, the people who read this and anyone that is just an awesome person out there…keep on keeping on.

Oh and ps…don’t think this is the last of me writing. I’m still going to be putting up random rants, extremenious stories, sweet parties and unbenounced awesomeness. Stay tuned…I’m also thinking of turning this into my own website… Keep your eyes and ears peeled.

Home to good ol CALGARY

Home to good ol CALGARY


Los Angeles…the good years

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on June 30, 2009 by bobbyvanilla

*Note: Pictures kinda did a little shits and giggles on me…soooo finally, I think I’ve solved the problem…video expected late july*

My my oh fucking my. The trips done. I can’t believe it. 10 months…splooosh, gone just like dropping a quick shit. Yes I’m now back to the old ground and pound, but I’m making money sooo…here I am just like all the rest of the world. Damn…*silently staring up into the sky as hymful music plays in the background* It’s been a good fucking run though. I’ve said this probably a hundred times.


You wanna hear that again? Well shit, just re-read it. Dang, do I have to do everything for ya? Anyway, here’s having a blasty blast with my buddy Grandpa Beard and seeing Disneyland for the second time in my life’s history.

May 31st was officially the longest day of my entire life. I left Fiji at 10pm (which is night for you army folk)on the 31st and arrived in LA at 1 in the afty on the 31st. *The Delorian swoops to a stop, the door gallantly swing open and Doc Brown sticks his head out*

Hey Marty…er…bobby…we’re heading back in time…hop in


So yeah it was basically like going back in time…crazy shit. Good thing was…I wasn’t really tired. I kinda slept a little on the shoulder of the small asian women next to me, so I was ready to go.

As I’m exiting the airport, this tanned skin hottie catches my eye. She’s pretty small, wearing big sunglasses, has a boyish hair cut, but damn…still hot. Then I realize something…I recognize her. It’s a weird feeling, so I begin to jog my memory of who it might be. I’m going through lists of faces until I realize something…wait…she’s got these massive bouncers beside her aaaand tons of paparazzi waiting….oh shit…its the chick that got the shit beat out of her by chris brown…now what’s her name?


As I’m chatting with my buddy Grandpa beard to come pick me up I pose him the same question…who’s the chick that got beat up by chris brown. He returns the answer…Rhianna…oooo right. As I walk away…a group of female activists glare me down. Hey…don’t give a guy herpies then…(no I do not condone beating girls…I think its down right terrible and no class, but its just a joke…so laugh)

Catching up with Grandpa beard was awesome. Haven’t seen the guy since scuba diving in Thailand and so it was gonna be a siiiick party…and it was.


First off, he was kind enough to show me around the area that he lives. Beautiful beach area called Huntington Beach(suburb of LA) tons of babes running, bladeing and walking around. Great sand, good surf and I even witnessed some douche steal a dudes bike. (the guy ended up chasing the douche down and causing a scene)


After a quick few games of street fighter two it was off to this tiny little mexican place to have a mean burrito and hopefully not get the squeezy shits later. We pounded some beers, chatted with the bar keep and other locals then made our way down the main drag to find a good place to drink, dance and mess with broads.

Finally being 21 I was able to check out the American night life…but after being all over the globe the place we end up is…wait for it…an Irish pub. Ahhh, you really can’t go anywhere without finding these beauties lying around.

We commenced downing yager bombs, beers and chatting of good times. I was transfixed with a screen behind me and a chick attempted to stick a straw in my perplexed and gaping mouth. Ding ding…chatting time. She looked pretty cute…but when she finally moved away from the table that was dividing us…uh…Grandpa beard…you wanna take this one. Turns out he didn’t.


Soon enough the music starts calling to me. My feet start to tap to the beat, my shoulders start to bounce and then…full on convulsions start taking over my body. The dance of nightmares begins. Turns out, I start cutting some mean moves, and with the lack of a dancefloor, people start having to traverse around me. It didn’t take long for a small audience to form watching if I’m going to bust out the running man, the JT slide or better yet, the invisible hat twirl. At the end of the number I stop to sip at my goldeny substance called beer. Three chicks rock up to where I’m standing and drop this bomb.

the dance and stare

the dance and stare

Chicks: We LOVE YOU…you’re an awesome dancer
Me: *choke on my beer*
Me: *looking around to see if someone is playing a prank
Chicks: *looking into my eyes with doggy dinner bowl face*

I recover and smile. BIIIIIIIIIG HUUUUUUUG. Pull them all in and then realize…I don’t know where to go from here. One, I don’t want to dance, two, they are all hot so I don’t know which one to pick and three…I have this beer with is still calling my name.

Arggggggh I hate conundrums.

I end up dancing with the one that keeps grabbing my hand(most logical choice) spin her a few times then prefer my beer to her. Go over to Grandpa beard who is now cherishing in the night with a chick who he had already told me about….great story, made me laugh, but that’s a story for…well…another time.


I decide to go back to the brunette with the nice ass…she starts doing the dirty with me, you know, basically I’m the stripping pole. I pull her away and start chatting, vibing this shit up the gun…tell her how we’ll probably never see each other again, and all that noise, but theeeeen I fuck up.

Her: Yeah I guess we won’t see each other ever again 😦
Me: Well, we definitely could instill this moment so we could remember it
Her: Oh yeah…how
Me: (Now just to note…I should have just gone out for the makeout here, buuuut I don’t know what came over me)
Let’s kiss
Her: Uh…great to meet you (and leaves)


After traveling the majority of the parts of the world, finding my way around by means of local transport and what not, I found LA to have one very disturbing fact. PUBLIC TRANSPORT SUCKS and HAAAAARD. I wanted to get down to Hollywood, bask in the glory of the stars, but after spending a good hour or so on the internet to find the route, realize it would take me over 6 hours to get there and back thus leaving a window of about 2 hours to see stuff…I declined. FUCK YOU LA TRANSPORT

Buuut, all was not a loss. I got to go to…



I hadn’t been to D-Land since I was about 10 or 12, so a few things changed, but I still knew which rides were the best. The toughest thing tho…was meeting up with this stunning Austrian chick who I had previously met in Sydney 😉

Since majority of the chicks I’ve met are pretty sucky when it comes to directions and what not, I made these as simple as possible, buuut it still didn’t help…an hour and a bit later, she finally figured out what I had meant when I said the “BIG GOLDEN STAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MAIN ENTRANCE”

Anywho…we met up which was the main part, and D-Land was about to commence. First ride up…Indiana Jones bitches…oh…wait…what’s this? Closed…no fuck that…this cannot be. I was sooo pissed, luckily the guy told us that it should be up and running in the aft. Sooo away we went to find other rides to occupy us with.


Ride after ride, thrill after thrill, line after fucking line. It was a blasty blast of blastations. (sorry no other way to describe it) Not only did I have a joyeous time re-living my childhood through the rides, I got to spend it with this awesome chick. Finally…as all things must it drew to an end. 11pm at night. Yes that’s right folks, I closed down D-Land. (Oh and yes we finally were able to ride go on the Indiana Jones ride…fucking love it…best ride there)

Now…as I mentioned prior…LA has the shittiest public transport ever. Aaaand I had to pre-plan on how to get to Disneyland and back again, however my train only ran until 9pm. Sooo to say the least. I missed it. Also my little Austrian cutie missed her bus as well…hmmm…how convenient.

So I use my professional traveling barter skills to get us a good deal on a cab, but wait…she’s now saying that she doesn’t want to come and crash at my buddies kick ass apartment. *bulging eyes* waaaaaaat. She would rather go back to a 15 person dorm than come to an apartment that is housing an original Street Fighter 2 arcade game…sheeesh, weird, unfortunate, unlucky, just the wrong moment, you name it and it was running through my head. Anyway, I had a great time at D-Land so I didn’t really care.


After saying our goodbyes…which was pretty week for probably the last time I’ll ever see this chick I commence the walk of shame back to the apartment of lords, only to find when I arrived, that I didn’t have the right key to open the door. SHIT. As I’m banging on the door, one of my buddy’s neighbors comes by, takes one look at me and scurries into her apartment and nervously locks the door. Well hopefully she doesn’t call the cops.

More banging and still nothing. Finally, my brain kicks into action…I should call him. Buuut if he’s sooo fast asleep to not hear the banging then of course he didn’t hear the phone. With one last attempt, I begin chucking mounds of poop and dirt at his window. Luckily that wakes him up and I hear a zombie type moan.

I feel like a douche for waking him up, but shit, when you need to get in you need to get in. Once in I feel like an even bigger bag of douchiness supreme as he mentions that the key that opens the top lock unlocks the second one as well…hmmm…glad I saw that.


LA rounded out my traveling parts of my entire trip. Being able to catch up with great friends such as Grandpa Beard and seeing that stunner of a brunette L it was a pretty good going out with the proverbial bang…now…one day in Sin City.

Bitching Fiji

Posted in Uncategorized on June 17, 2009 by bobbyvanilla

In Auckland I met this Czech chick, who was sharing the same room. We got talking and for some reason, she was taking the exact same flight, to the exact same place…hmmm.

Well this is Fiji.

It was actually pretty sweet that I was able to meet up with this Czech chick in Fiji. For one, she had an authentic Fijian place to stay in a small village also a hook up for trip planning. Two nights free and me not having to plan anything…Rock on.


Getting around Fiji, was one of the coolest things too. You could always do the touristy way, but fuck, who wants to do that shit? I’d rather be the only white person on the bus…so I took the local bus. Yes it was cramped, pretty hot, smelled like BO and SWASS, but fuck it…I’m in FIJI BULAH

(oh yeah the Fijian’s say BULAH all the time)


So of course, since I’m traveling with this blonde Czech chick, who has some pretty massive finger balancers, I’m gonna try something right. Geeez, well it only seems right, especially since the chick asked me to travel along with her.

Thing was, once I started making advances and trying to swing the good ol convo towards that elusive topic of……………sex. Well…she wasn’t much of a talker. I tried a few other things, but nothing seemed to work. She just kept acting weird and not keeping any of the convo’s going…so I had enough and stopped.

Everyday that passed I started realizing this chick was quite a bore to talk to. Finally, when we are about to jet out to some of the islands I met some Germans. Two guys and two girls. Boooyah…new people to talk to, oh and that brunette chick…mmmmmmm hottie.


So once this new group rolled up, I ditched the czech chick and partied with the Germans. And damn, this island was sweet. One of the highlights of my entire trip. Out in the middle of the ocean. 30 minute boat ride from the main land and takes only 15 minutes to walk around the entire thing. Golden sand beaches, enormous palm trees and right on a reef. What more could you want.


Oh right…they didn’t have a bar…shiiiiiiiiiiit. BEEEEEER RUUUUUN.

Alright, after getting the beer, sitting around a fire and chatting with this stunner of a brunette, I was loving life.

The next thing that added to my uber amusement of this place was the diving. Fiji is one of the top ten places in the world to dive and I was going to enjoy the shit out of this place.

Like I’ve said before, diving is like taking pure heroin…oh…uh…actually I’ve never said that, but seriously…diving is like a really really really good drug.


Aaaaaaanyway, after all that this island had to offer, it was only a matter of time until it was time to leave. Again, I didn’t get to partake in that very slick and sandy experience of good ol sex on the beach…but whatevs. I did notice one thing. Earlier there was always something that I found “strange” about the Czech chick. It wasn’t until I was around the Germans that it finally clicked. She’s a huge dork. Like nerd and shit. Weird…a nerdy chick who’s pretty good looking…who would have thought.

I didn’t realize it because it was always her and me, but shit once we were in the big group, I got to see all the dorky shit she did and awkward things she said. Interesting…but fuck it I wasn’t going to see this people ever again, so I made the most of it.


Straight from the island I headed with the good ol public transport all the way back to Nadi. During this excrutiating 5 hour trip, I was dying of a crazy ass fever. I’m thinking I got a case of the swine flu, but asking around I found that Fiji was one of the few countries that didn’t have the flu’s development. Phew, thank god, I was thinking I would start oinking and shit, but luckily I didn’t.


As for the country of Fiji. Awesome. One of my top ten places of visiting during my trip. Best part was the cheapness, the people and all the fucking islands. Oh and the diving high was sweet as well. Should you go, yes you should.

Now, direct from Fiji, to the land of golden opportunities…the L of A in the U S of A. My last leg of the trip…Stay tuned.


Let’s Sloooooow Down

Posted in Uncategorized on December 31, 2008 by bobbyvanilla

Holy Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat…I just had one of the craziest…longest…most stressed days for as long as I can remember, but one good thing…I’m still alive.

It all started when I decided to leave the good ol party island of Koh Phangan and head down to Bali. First off, talking to a buddy of mine, he recommended I go chill out in a small Malaysian island called Langkawi. It sounded great, prestine beaches, not too populated, great sunsets, not extremely expensive…my kind of place. So I booked my bus and awaaaaaay I went.

One thing to point out, Thailand isn’t the most organized when it comes to figuring out connecting buses, trains or what have you. They just tell you, don’t worry just sit over there. Well after missing one bus, I finally go up and ask…uh…where is the bus to so and so place? Oh…didn’t we tell you to sit over there?…hmmm…NO. Luckily it worked out…I got on the speedy gonzalez bus from hell and andele andele we were off.


Now the story starts taking some weird twists. It was the perfect day for travel because it was the rain of destruction coming down, unfortunately it had been raining even harder in the southern parts of Thailand, soooo….streets were flooded. Didn’t stop are driver as he plowed right through the covered streets…almost spinning out once. I was looking out at the roads and thinking…shit…we actually might not make it…oh well…I’ve got my fucking banana bread…I’m set. The funniest was driving through the wetness and seeing all these kids standing in it looking sad…WTF


Oh well…we got through the hellish downpour and made it to another bus station for yet another transfer…luckily I was the only white person, so it wasn’t tough for them to find me and tell me where to go. Oh and another lucky part I got slapped in a tight mini bus with all chicks…some little cuties too…giving me the eyes…buuuut…not sure if the eyes were because I looked like a bum or cus I’ve got pimpilicious eyes…I’ll take the latter.

Thankfully the next part was pretty easy going…the bus driver drove me right to a cheap rickety hotel…I settled in and realized it looked just like the room from the movie the beach.(sorry no pics)

Next was trying to sort out getting out of Thailand, into Malaysia and to Langkawi. Asking around town…no one knew. Or they did, but the times were all wacked and different. So I picked the middle of the times and I was still wrong. I arrived two hours before I needed to be…sooo…postcard time.


Finally…I arrived on the Island of Langkawi. I was set to go lie on a beach…have a few cocktails and just bask in pure glory…buuuut…before I do…better check about getting to Khuala Lumpur. I’ve got a flight leaving early in a couple days…wouldn’t want to miss it.

I rock up to the ticket desk…start asking about trains, or buses to KL and they start rambling off…SOLD OUT…COMPLETELY BOOKED…FULLY BOOKED…I DON’T THINK THAT ONE RUNS…BLAH BLAH BLAH…I’m standing there with my jaw open…eyes bulging…thinking WHAT THE FUUUUCK. Alright…don’t panic..there must be another way. I ask about other options…NADA. Only one available is bus…that night…leaving at 9:50pm for KL…Hmmm…well…atleast I get to enjoy Langkawi by lugging my fucking bag around.


After I buy my ticket I ask…soooo….how do I get to the bus station. “Oh that’s simple…you hop on this ferry here…take a bus here and then walk 10 minutes and you’re there” Yaaaaa pretty fucking easy.

After getting the last ferry of the day…I decide to just walk and be a bum in the park…so that’s exactly what I do. Funny thing was…sitting in parks…watching the birds…and just enjoying the outdoors was something I had planned to do when I first started travelling….now I’m ACTUALLY doing it.

Now another M. Night Shamalan twist. I’m in a nice secluded spot…gazing out over the ocean…watching sailboats sailing by…the sun slowling descending from the correscant sky, the red and orange and blue…a perfect combination of colours to extremiate the sense. The breeze slowly cascading upon the hair…rustling the leaves in the tree above…stillness…sweetness…completeness. THEN I SNAP OUT OF IT…


Look down at my watch

6:04pm…hmmm ok ferry doesn’t leave until 7pm

Then I voice jumps out of my head


Hmmm…turn around…excuse me…what time is it?


Road runner time…I grab my bag and bust my ass to the ferry station…jumping over small children…pushing grandma’s aside…toppling carts and making it to the gate…and seeing…a ferry pulling away. An image pops into my mind of me running and jumping onto the ferry James Bond style, but soon it’s to far away


Shit…I give the guy my ticket…he looks at me…looks at the ticket then looks back at me shaking his head. Sorry he says…the ferry just left….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Now, no more getting to Khuala Lumpur…no more catching the flight to Bali…no more new years extravaganza…no more.

However, the ticket guy says…well…maybe you can catch that ferry, it’s going to the same place.

So I run down, give the guy at the ferry my ticket and he tells me it doesn’t look good, but maybe they can put me on and drop me off, I just have to wait until everyone else is seated. So I wait, and wait and wait. Finally he motions me over. He tells me that I’m very lucky…there’s only two seats left…oh thank god…I’m going to make it baby, as my heart starts to slow back to a normal pace, the buckets of sweat start to supside and I flop down on the ferry seat exhausted…like I just outran some lady boy trying to cup a feel.

After that momentary stressness of unwanted porportions…I finally arrived at the bus station…sweaty…unshaven…unbathed for bout two days…got in the luxury seats and rode away in the sunset to Khuala Lumpur.

Arriving in KL…I step out…grab my bag…look around into this brand new city, knowing not where to start…and then…it starts to rain…

Changing in Mai

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on November 22, 2008 by bobbyvanilla

After the depths of Thailands under belley I decided to shake things up and arrive to the shunshining lushing greenery of Chang Mai. The far north, surrounded by mountains and jungle, this city is much more relaxed then Bangkok…oh and a lot less lady boys. Perfect.


Chang Mai. Green as far as the eye can see, not as much pollution…you can actually breath the air here. Hearing about the north, all the talk is about trekking…well after you gaze upon the flock of jungle, you can’t help but want to….Especially if you get to ride an elephant

A jungle excursion…white water rafting and riding a fucking elephant…can’t pass that up mother bitches. Except…for some reason, people do not like arriving on time here. So after waking up fucking early(yes it was only 7am…buuut still) I get picked up in a rickety old truck with some boards in the bed…hmmm…this should be fun.

this is the transport

this is the transport

It was an absolutely stunning day…the sun gleaming over the trees, the leaves with the fresh morning dew glistening…the fresh air…ahhh…breath in that glorious fresh air…anyway…the hike was pretty sweet. Going through the jungle, after a fresh rain…ya a little slippery, and if you know how klutzy I am…well just imagine(lets just say my pants weren’t perfectly clean when I got back) But we saw, waterfalls, spiders and tons and tons of trees.


My main objective of the trek was to ride on the back of an elephant…and that my friends, was soon to become a reality.

These massive beasts who have roamed the earth for hundreds, maybe thousands of years are an absolute marvel in themselves, but to actually ride it…well…it needs to be experienced. Much comfier then a camel, but alot scarier. Everytime they go up or down a hill it seems as though you’re going to fall off. Then comes the part where the elephant is hungry or just feels like it needs to go somewhere else. Still…riding atop this giant animal I felt like the king of the castle…just think of Borat.


After the elephants, it was white water rafting time…or more like brown water…sheesh the river we were taking…fucking sick…but the rafting…absolutely raw. Definitely not the hardest rapids or course I’ve ever taken, but sooo much fun. I got soaked, ate a shit load of dirty water and almost fell out…good times indeed. Almost the entire time while rafting I was thinking how sick it was that I was in the northern part of Thailand and rafting down some river.


When I first arrived in Chang Mai I actually thought that there wasn’t much to do. Hahaha There is a shit load of stuff here. All of Thailands history basically started here. Also they have the best fruits, vegitables and therefore cooking. So next step…learning to cook Thai food.

One of the best choices I made in Chang Mai. You were taken around a local market, shown the best vegitables and spices for particular dishes…then guess what…we got to cook those fuckers. You were able to chose from two soups, three curries, three meat dishes and three noodle dishes. I chose Tom Yum soup, Green curry, Chicken and cashew nut and finally Drunken noodle. I also learned how to carve fruit, make spring rolls and one of my favorite…mango and sticky rice.


So maybe if any of you are lucky…Iron Chef Bobby Vanilla may come back and visit your town. Still the best part wasn’t the cooking…it was what we got to do with the pans…light them on fire…ya just take that in…nice and smooth eh…good ol fire. Unfortunately, the guy taking the picture for me…SUCKED…so this is the only fire picutre I’ve got…geez amateurs.


Still this wasn’t even close to the best fresh food I’ve had thus far…it was time for a real Thai treat…rice farming. In the hostel I was staying at, the owner’s family owned a patch of land where they did rice farming…well shit…I couldn’t pass this opportunity up. So me and a few others headed down to the land and begun the process of cutting down the rice stocks.


I thought It would be a very messy job, but it turns out, before they start to harvest the rice they make sure all the water is drained, and the rice stocks are basically dry. All you have to do is grab a…scary movie type of blade and cut down the collection of rice stocks. Hot, sweaty, sore back, but completely worth the experience. Especially with the bonus of a free dinner at the end…Rat.



I know what you’re thinking…WTF…ur gonna eat rat…thats sick…rat would be fucking nasty and dirty and funky…well…no. These are special rats…they only live in the rice fields..eating the rice, then you smoke them out of the hole and kill the little fuckers. We caught eight…so that means…big eats. I’ll be honest tho…at first I was a little skeptical, but after watching them burn off all the skin and clean it and prepare the meat…well…it looked like pork. I wouldn’t know the difference if it was on a plate full of other meats.


So we helped prepare the meat, cut it, spiced it and then voila it was ready to eat. Boy the family was awesome. Free beer and eating rat…nothing else would have made this day better. The only thing was…it was spicier then a naked devil chick in hell…wow…I seriously thought my mouth was on fire…and then the family members kept rubbing it in by eating the hottest parts…sheeeesh…I like spicy…but not lava, scorching the inner parts of your mouth and guts…whoooeee. Still after eating the rat…it tasted like pork…if I served this dish to you…ha…you wouldn’t know the difference.

You wouldn't even know it was rat

Bam…Chang Mai was the surprise of the trip. I’ve heard it was a great place, but arriving I thought nothing more then relaxing…maybe walking the jungle and that was it. Turns out, I accomplished, experienced and did so much more then that…most things I would never have done in North America. Hahaha…eating rat, havesting rice and even riding an elephant, once in a lifetime baby. Do I recommend this place? Yes…it was all completely worth it.

Welcome to Egypt…Where are you from?

Posted in Uncategorized on November 10, 2008 by bobbyvanilla

The most common phrase you will ever hear if you enter Egypt. I personally think it’s the first phrase they learn to speak in school. At first you think they’re all being friendly, but soon enough you realize…they’re after your fucking money son.

the inside of an old beater of a cab

the inside of an old beater of a cab

Its true…I got ripped off hard on my first ever experience in Egypt. Over charged on my cab ride to the hostel, but guess what? I learned my lesson pretty quick. I was a little skeptical about doing the whole “hostel” thing, because I didn’t want to get more bed bugs, or whatever could happen in the third world. However, as it turns out…this was one of the best and most fun hostels I stayed at. Met some great people which makes the stay all the better.

The couple from England I met on the first night I ended up headed to the Pyramids with.By the way…I was given some good information by a friend of a friend in Rocky. Most of the tips really worked well, the funniest tho…was calling the cab driver she sugested. A sum up of what ensues, is him yelling at me for five minutes asking me the same questions over and over. I had to pass him over to one of the guys at the desk to deal with him…wowzers…prolly just got him on a bad day.


Now the Pyramids…and a once in a lifetime opportunity…camel ride. (Opens a door to the left, outsteps a hooded figure) Now introducing…scammer number two. The camel dudes.

Of course a camel ride is sweet, but I wasn’t really sure how much it would cost. I was able to haggle to a pitiful amount of about 60 dollars a person.(at the time…I thought it was reasonable…I was able to drop the price by 10 dollars…looking back…yipeee) Turns out another guy got it for 45 dollars and another group after that got it for 25. So ya…learned another lesson…be a hard ass.



Still the price was basically worth the experience. It was exhilerating, riding this tall, stinky beast through the dunes of time. Finally…rounding an enormous dune…and there in front of me lay…the pyramids. NIne to be exact…ya bet ya didn’t know that one.


Anyway, riding the camel was one of the coolest things I’ve ever done. Yes they fart, are uncomfortable as hell when they start trotting(I even pinched a nut) and sometimes… they feel the need to break loose and take off(one broke loose, but trotted only a small distance until the guy caught up with it) But I can’t put a description on the neat “O” factor of ridding such an ancient beast around the magnificient pyramids.

The pyramids are in a category all to themselves. Taking only ten years to build(took 20 years to assemble all the stone and get it perfect) the pyramids stand as looming figures to the land below. Standing far away or even at its base…these triangles of rock just radiate glory in all its pure form of extensiveness. The unfortunate thing, is all the garbage and miss treatment of these massive stones. Of course I climed on the pyramids, and would do more climbing on them, but really that shouldn’t be happening. The things are already deteriorating enough with all the pollution of Cairo. Still, the pyramids lived up to all and any hype.


As for the Sphynx…well that’s a different story.

One…I never realised how small the thing was, until I arrived, second…its pretty much complete shambles. Ya they’re doing some small restoration, but all in all…its a mess…not all that appealing. Still an awesome form of ancient artwork, but nothing to write home…or…on a blog about…(sphynx writting stops…here.)


Basically in Cairo, and all the other places I saw…there’s garbage and shit everywhere. I swear I saw five dead cow carcasses floating in a river. Still that’s not the biggest shocker. Ya the garbage can be bad…but holy speeding fuck…the traffic is worse.

mmm...lovely trash

mmm...lovely trash

They have lanes in Egypt…buuut they don’t use them. Cars are a jumble fuck everywhere. You really need to watch yourself…and learn the proper way of crossing the street pretty quickly…here…take a look at this quick informative video I created.

This is actually part two of one…the other video I created, has me crossing 8 lanes of traffic…sooo maybe another time.

Aisde from those shenanigans…onto one of the greatest museums of the world…the Egyptian museum. Chalk full of everything Egyptian that you could think of…it’s basically like a huge warehouse…with explanations on the ancient items.

The best two rooms in the entire museum are King Tut’s collection of gold, jewlery and the amazing mask. And the Royal Mummy room. The mummy room costs extra, but it was sooo sweet seeing these mumified former rulers. One of the mummy’s even had a face that looked like he was screaming when he died…pretty grusome. Also some look sooo life like. I hated getting to close for fear that one…might just…jump up and grab me.


Still, my third day in Cairo wouldn’t be complete unless I got ripped off some how…yes…ripped off in the Egyptian Museum…and no I’m not talking about the entrance or mummy fee. The thing is…you’re told not to take pictures in the museum. However, not once did I ever see a sign…so fuck that shit…picture time. I snap about three and begin to walk around the corner into another room when I hear someone yelling something. Instict takes over so I ignore the yell. Then I hear running…o shit…I turn around, and its a museum guard. He sticks out his hand and asks for my camera…I play dumb and tell him “what camera?” We jabber back in forth, until he says he saw me take pictures…here…here…and here as he points to the cameras overhead. Ohhhhhh…thaaaaaaat camera. I tell him, yes I have a camera, but if the pictures are the problem…I’ll just delete them. Again he asks for my camera…saying if I don’t give it to him he’ll take me to the security office. Shit…maybe this is for real…so repeat I’ll delete the pictures and begin to do so…until he stops me…and extends his hand…wanting a tip to keep him quiet. Awww fuck…you cheaky bastard. He wants about 20 dollars worth, but fuck that…I say no and hand over about a dollars worth…he gives me a moking smile and walks off.

Fucking hell…do they all want my money?

Basically I started noticing a new trend. The Egyptians have a different tactic when it comes to getting money, then do the Europeans. The Egyptians act friendly (as I mentioned above) Therefore, my friendly Canadian manerisms started coming out…ya…not a good thing. I started being friendly back…and thus…they wouldn’t leave me or anyone alone. I finally realized…even though this made me feel like such a douchebachery bag…I couldn’t responde or show any acknowlege of their presence. Shitty perspective, I know, but its the only way for them not to follow/pester you around everywhere.

Woah...lookit him go

Woah...lookit him go

Still…even though I’m being a little harsh on the Egyptians…they’re not all like that. Some turned out to be extremely friendly and sincere. One guy allowed me to use his cellphone while making a long distance call to Bangkok, and then he bought me a pop…pretty cool guy to.

Oh…I don’t know how this relates…but it reminded me of something….I never thought I’d say this, but I could not WAIT to see a Western dressed women while I was in Egypt. Yes I know its their culture, but damn…long loose fitting clothing…ya definitely not turning me on. No wonder these guys go crazy when they see a western style chick. I almost started staring myself whenever I saw a chick not dressed in those sexy looking bed sheets….sheeesh…now I’m all worked up.

Let’s slow things down…juuuust a little.

I SAW THE NEW JAMES BOND…hahaha…fuckers…it’l still be about a week by the time this post comes out until any of you “North American” types will see it. Don’t worry I won’t ruin it…specially since I didn’t even get to see the sex scenes or any “physical” contact for that matter…ya…it was all edited out. How fucked is that? Anywho…the movie is fucking sweet…I recommend it…action is top notch. This was one of my best movie experiences ever. Not only did it only cost me three dollars, but right in the middle of the movie…at no perticular spot…they just stopped the film for an intermission…hahaha you should have seen the face of the English guy I was there with…oh was he ever pissed. Still…I don’t know what the fuck Quantum of Solace stands for…if anyone else see’s it…please fill me in.



K then…onto the crazy mayham…that is…the El Kahlili Bazaar…or if you perfer…big ass fucking market. Now at first I ended up wandering into the wrong area, because I walked through this semi market and thought…geez what is everyone going on about…this place is tiny. Then I asked around…found out I needed to cross the street and then…BOOOYA GRANDMA…swarming with tourists…locals selling their wares…chattering…bustling…anything you could image was pretty much there.



This is the place you slap on your shades…and put on the fuck you look…or the people will eat you alive. I visited the market twice, and both times, the people I was with almost got literally dragged off into a shop.(just a hint…don’t take the dudes hand if he wants to shake) In the early going of the market…the sellers are ruthless…it was sooo tough to barter with them because most tourists only go to the outskirts…they don’t venture deep into the jungle. Best deals and ability to barter…middle to end section.

I bought some unique egytian items for under twenty dollars…ya I definitely improved my bartering skills.(took notes from some other world traveller extravaganza dude) Anyway…I normally don’t allow these tricky con artists to lead me to their shops…however, I have a good feeling on this one…so saddle up partner.(dumb and dumber quote…just incase you missed that one) Ends up that this dude leads us to this back section of the market with all the most wonderful smelling spices.


This magical aroma filled my nostrils and made me feel like a floating star….then he tried selling me the stuff…buzz gone. Super unique…and if I could travel with spices…I would’ve bought some. Best part of the whole leading me to the shop thing was this…I actually asked for a postcard shop.

After a hard day of shopping extrordinare…it was time for the party boat down the Nile. I was talking to the owners of the hostel about a faluka boat ride for the next day, but they mentioned these cheap party boats…so me and the crew at the hostel…we couldn’t pass this up. So we grabbed some beers and floated the nile.


What a unique experience this was…floating the Nile…listening to crazy Arabic music, having trippy lights spin around my head…and drinking one of the worst tasting…skankiest smelling…ass licking beers I’ve ever had in my whole life. If you could think of the worst things in the world and mix them together…ya that…plus death. Seriously it was that bad…you could ask anyone on the boat and they would agree. Buuuut it was cheap…and ten percent.

Dancing…singing…yelling welcome to Egypt at all the Egyptians…ahhh yes…it was a good night. The best part of the boat was when I got the smart idea to hang upside down by the bars hanging from the roof…hahaha…the following is what took place.


Surprisingly, after the boat ride, me and another guy(the guy with the red shirt) went off to the most authentic Egyptian beer hall. The reason I know it’s that authentic because one…all the windows were covered, and two…NO CHICKS. Yup a big ol sausage fest…but the beer was cheap and hey…who has two thumbs and has been to an authentic Egyptian Sausage fest?….THIS GUY(points to self)

Waking up the next day…ya the head felt a little worse for wear(I think the food at the beer hall was tainted), but it was faluka boat time. The hostel quoted the three of us at 100 pounds per person…well…we were able to negotiate our own fare…ya bitches…got it for 50 for a two hour ride down the Nile. This was the most relaxing boat ride ever…slowly floating, like a feather falling from the sky…landing into a pile of the softest…fluffiest whip cream you could think of. Ahhh with the breeze caressing your face…looking at the bustling city of Cairo…which is larger then Canada…this is how to experience cultures at its finest.

img_1380Finally…boarding the plane to get onto my next destination, I felt utterly thrilled to have experienced Egypt the way that I did. I can see why people love it…and why others loath it. Still…I’d love to go back…oh ps to all the chicks out there…France may be the creators of lingrie, but Egypt…they’re the creators of the sexiest and best priced lingrie I’ve ever seen. Definitely taking my chick shopping there in the future…don’t know why there’s so much of this…I didn’t see any locals buying it.

off to bangkok yo

off to bangkok yo

Well when in Rome…Yes…Do go on…

Posted in Uncategorized on October 31, 2008 by bobbyvanilla

The centre of the world during the empirial ages…the conqueres…the destructors…the ROMANS.

You cannot possibly visit Italy and not see Rome. There is just no feasible way around it. One of the cities that started it all. You have the history, the actual sites, the views, the party…yes everything all balled up into a nice little package.

Well then…let’s begin. My first full day is jammed packed with sights I want to see, so after my delicious little free breakfast, my first stop is the house of Monsters. Yes it’s a house about monsters, that even looks like a monster. Call me a nerd or whatever, but monsters are the shit yo. Buuuuut turns out the place is under construction…great…just my luck.

However, on a positive note, I was able to get a great view of Rome, and walk the Spanish steps. (Just between you and me…they don’t look that Spanish)

Ya...Im on the spanish steps

Ya...Im on the spanish steps

Sooo after my little excursion, time to hit up the mainstream sights of Old Rome. The day was perfectly sunny and was it ever fitting, walking these ancient grounds, picturing what life would’ve been like, back during the Roman Empirial ages.

The infrastructure is like none other. The intricate blocks, the pillars made of marbel, the gates, the enormous doorways. Unbelievable, how the Romans were able to do this…and all without power tools or cement. (Yes I know they had thousands of slaves, but still…ropes and pulley systems…cummon dude)

Aside from the first number of sites I visited the best part was on my way to the Colloseum. During the day there was an enromous pollitical ralley, however, at the time when thousands of people were filling the streets, I had no idea. Therefore, I used my proffesional journalistic skills and found the answer…have a look for yourself.

After that little shin dig, it was off to the most amazing building I have ever laid my eyes upon. The colloseum. This astonishing building is hundreds of years old. It used to be covered with all marble, until the Catholic Crusades during the middle ages, where they stole all the marble and made the Basilica of St. Peter.

Animals used for the fights were stored under the enormous wodden floor, covered with pounds of sand, and then brought out through trap doors, to surprise the fighters. Next, the Colloseum at one time had a retractable roof…good bye skydome. This place is plain and simple…PIMP.

Sheesh…there’s soo much history, blood, guts and glory with this place that I had to take an enormous ammount of photos.

I even asked how I could become a tour guide there. Unfortunately for me, the english speaking/understanding guy, had already left for the day. Oh well, maybe my next time through.

Even after exiting the Colloseum, and gazing apon the ruins of what used to be a prospering city…I couldn’t help but think to myself…I can’t believe I’m in fucking Rome.

The best part of visiting the Colloseum was, later that night, everyone who had seen it wanted to watch Gladiator. And guess what? The hostel even had it…so with our free pasta dinner and my cheap wine, we slapped in that bad boy and watched the shit outta it. Good times.

Ahhh…sights during the day and parties at night…that’s what Rome is supposed to be about. Well I needed to get my fix of clubbing as it had been some time since I got a hit. Therefore I looked at pub crawls…fucking shit…waaay too expensive…alrighty…cheap wine…some local bars…I’m fucking set. Turns out after about two litres of wine…ya I can’t walk to well…so with the group from the hostel I went on quite the adventure of navigating the streets, but that was only the first night.

The next night the chill American dudes that I was hanging with, knew of some chicks who were going to school in Rome and knew of a good bar to go to. We meet up with them after a little confusion and decide to “head on a bus” The best part was…the chicks didn’t know which bus to take. So as it turns out…we all hop on some bus…going to…where ever the fuck it took us…the projects of Rome I’m thinking, and then back again. Ya a good two hours on a bus packed with sausage…mmm…now that’s a good night out in Rome. Funniest part however, was this chick and dude who were leading the charge, decided to ditch halfway through…hahaha…thanks you fuckers.

Side note: The place we needed to go…was…hmmm…lets see…aprox fifteen minutes walking distance…ya thanks for telling us…Ahhh god…dumb blondes…gotta love em…but don’t trust em for directions.

Fun timez on the bus

Fun timez on the bus

Well then…enough ranting…back to the glory and prosper of Rome…or what it used to be.

Now the great and outstanding site of the Sistene Chapel and St. Peters Basilica.

Turns out that every last Sunday of each month the Sistene Chapel and museum are free to the public…awesome…I had no idea until I arrived…fucking good timing I would say.

The best part…that most people didn’t even know about…the Pope was giving a speech at noon…and guess what mother bitches…I WAS FUCKING THERE. Ya dude…I saw the dude all in white…giving his little speech and waving his hands…ya the fucking POPE. Suck on that Charlie Seen.

Hello little Pope

Hello little Pope


Buuut as you can see from the photos…that’s as close as I could manage…it was fucking mayhem in the square.

After the Popes little speal, it was line waiting time. A good two hours or so…and supposevely for the Sistene Chapel, buuuut if you’ve followed my journey enough…you have a good idea, that stuff turns out to not be what it seems. The line, bring us into this enormous building…covered with marble, gold and graves of all the previous Popes. Therefore, it was the line for the St. Peter Basilica.

Look at that line

Look at that line

Not a bad thing, because the place was enormous in what you could see, but still not the Sistene Chapel. Turns out once we exit the Basilica…ya the chapel is…CLOSED. Oh well…I got to see the Pope, the Basilica…and of course…the silly looking Swiss Guards.

Sheesh how could anyone take them seriously. Well they are trained to kill…guess its like that.

That night it was also brought to my attention numerous other sites I had missed…well gives me yet another reason to return to Rome.

So, last night in Rome. More cheap wine, but this time…seeing the city at night. I don’t know what it is with the night, but it just makes all the sites that much cooler.

First stop…the Pathenon.

See an NFL game in a pub…Steelers/Giants…almost get into a fight with some stupid Steelers fans…sheesh I’m not even a Giants fan…then off to the Colloseum. Beautiful during the day…even more stunning at night.

Oh and just a side note…that night I pissed on my fifth main attraction throghout Europe…pretty funny story on how I started doing this…but lets save that for another time.

Finally…walking back to the hostel, I gazed apon the city of former Champions, leaders, saviors and hero’s. My last gaze of the Colloseum…I will always remember. But don’t worry…I promise I’ll be back.